Moving away+breaking up=severe anxiety?
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Moving away+breaking up=severe anxiety?
| Thu, 02-23-2006 - 2:15am |
My boyfriend and i have been together for a little over two years now. I recently decided to continue my education and go back to school. Except the school is two hours away. Before i made this decision my significant other and myself always said we were going to move in together, he was just waiting for me to save enough money to actually do it. When i told him of my plans to move away to attend school, he immediately became upset and began crying (obviously he wasnt too excited like i was) i just assumed that since he works an entry level job, and really has no plan to return to school that he would want to make the move with me. I thought it would have been good for him to get in new surroundings, that it might motivate him a little bit. and i didnt want to lose him. For months, everytime i brought up the subject, he would get upset, but he would say that he would try to come with me. deep down inside i knew that he really didnt want to. last week i brought it up and demanded a yes or no answer on whether or not he was going to come with me, he said "i told you! i will try!" i finally gave up and told him that if deep in his heart he didnt want to do it, i did not want him to move. because he would just end up subconsciously resenting me for it. he agreed and then things got a little hairy. he and i both agreed that a long distance relationship would not work out. and i know that i cannot just be friends with him after this. so i guess the alternative would be to break up and never talk to him again. i know it sounds extreme, but that is the only way i can deal with it. if we were to continue talking "just as friends" it would be too confusing and make me feel like i was in that wierd "in-between" state with him. I am planning on making the move sometime in june, that is only several months away. Since this discussion we had, i cannot help but feel depressed. i feel like he is going to die, or just fall off the face of the planet when i leave. i cant help but picture him with other girls and everytime i look at him i know that one day, someone else will be looking at him with the same adoring eyes. i have not been able to sleep well, eat anything, concentrate at work, i have been feeling lightheaded and have had sweating fits ever since. i dont want to lose my boyfriend, but i know i have to. and it is the worst, most sickening, emptiness that i have ever felt. How the hell am i supposed to enjoy the time we have left together when i just know that our relationship is not going to go anywhere. I mean, i have imagined marriage, kids, the whole shebang with this man and now i just have to drop it. i cant stand this feeling. i wish he would want to come with me. how do i make myself feel better? do i break it off now and start the healing process or do i wait until the moment i leave? i just feel so sick. i dont know what to do. can someone give me some encouraging words?
