Moving out?

Avatar for rosyone
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2003
Moving out?
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 10:55am
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3+ years. We've lived together and owned a house now for well over a year. He has wanted us to get married all along, but we are both divorced and I really don't want to get married again. I'm not religious & I can't see the point since neither of us wants to have kids. I'm 41 & he'll be 39 soon.

He's in a very frustrating job and although he's been interviewing to find something better, lately he gets in moods where he tells me he's "going to move out tomorrow." I feel like he's insecure and he's manipulating me. I have to tell him, "No, I don't want you to do that." But the more he says this the more I think that maybe that I should call him on it and that's what should happen (although if anyone's going to move out, I would rather do it myself). He apologizes later since he knows that he was unreasonable but he knows that I only get upset when he gets upset.

We come from similar upbringings/backgrounds but there are some things that we just don't agree on. For instance, I'm a natural packrat and clutter doesn't bother me a bit. Neither does dust or disarray; I often don't even notice it. I've made huge changes in the way I keep house because he hates to see things piled up and sitting around. I've tossed out so much stuff that I probably would have kept if not for him. And I have to store things in boxes tucked away in the closet so I forget I have it. But it's still not as neat as he would like it. He does his fair share of the housework & almost all of the yardwork, but I have limits on how often I can dust, scrub & vacuum.

Another example is our politics. I really prefer not participate in any type of discussion anymore because it just seems to set him off. I'm basically very nonpartisan, & I wholeheartedly endorse recycling and ecological conservation and animal rights, etc. But not around him and we especially can't talk about any of the campaign because he doesn't understand people who contest the ways things are done or who protest or criticize the government.

Anyway, I do love him, but I'm starting to think of walking away. And I can't do that right now because I've been laid off & have just started a job search and can't afford a separate apartment, etc. I do want this to relationship to work, I feel like I have made a commitment to him, regardless of our not actually being married.

Do you have any suggestions on how we can work things out?

Thanks!