Moving too slow?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Moving too slow?
4
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 1:37pm
I went on 2 dates with a guy I met online. We exchanged emails and talked on the phone for about a month before we met because he lived in a different city and was in the process of moving to my city. I was a little disappointed when he didn't ask me out the first weekend after he got here. But we went out the following Friday and had a great time. I didn't feel attracted to him for the first hour or so but I am not sure exactly why but at some point it all changed! I became VERY attracted to him! He dropped me home and we kissed in his car. He called the following Tuesday..4 days after the date! We had a good conversation as usual but he didn't ask me out. The next day was Valentine's day, I expected him to at least text me..no such luck. I texted him on Friday to see how he was doing. He kept texting me back, said he had been sick since Valentine's evening, said sorry for not having been more responsive. I said no problem, call me when you feel better. He called the next day and asked me out. So we went to dinner and then to a moivie. He walked me to my building and we had a long kiss in the lobby.
He comes across like he really likes me when we are on a date but he doesn't flirt with me. He did something very sweet when we were on our last date but he doesn't really say anything sweet. Its bothering me that it took him a week to ask me out on a second date. The possibility of he being shy can be ruled out because he is very successful and smart. I keep thinking that he is seeing someone else.
I know I shouldn't read too much into anything because we've been on only 2 dates. But I can't get him off my mind. My boyfriend of 4 yrs broke up with me in October(we haven't spoken since the New Year's day and I plan to keep it that way). It was painful and I didn't think I was going to feel this way about anyone else for a long time. I was even accused of being 'too-picky' by my girlfriends because I went on a number of first dates since October but never agreed to a second date...just didn't feel like it.
I feel all confused with my emotions now and not sure how to handle it. To make things worse, he is travelling on work from today until first week of March and I leave for a month-long international assignment just a couple of days after he returns. He knows it but we haven't discussed how my absence is going to affect our 'situation'.
Any advice on how to best handle this situation without coming out like a psycho, needy woman will be greatly appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 3:21pm

perplexed32...

PG has said this hundreds of time already....but for the benefit of the newbies, here's goes:

"Making comparisons between a former b/f and a new one is not only foolish...but dangerous!"

You can't expect one man to behave identically in any manner to those of a previous one!

!

Accept us for who we are and enjoy the qualities that drew you to us in the first place...please???

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 3:43pm

I don't think the two of you really HAVE a "situation" at this point. You're just 2 people who've had 2 dates. I would basically not expect to see him before you leave on your assignment; if you do, that's gravy. I'd keep in touch by email once a week or so in the meantime (assuming he's responsive to your emails--if you send one or two and don't get a response, then I wouldn't send more) but not plan on seeing him until you're both back in town.

You both should be dating other people at this point (you're not exclusive and it wouldn't be appropriate to be exclusive after just 2 dates, anyway) so if he is, so what?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 12:24pm

It sounds like scheduling isn't optimum now and you also might be influenced by feeling "anything" for someone other than your ex- which is good, it means there is an openness.


but say you enjoy being with him, hope to get to know him, perhaps you can maintain email contact while you're away and try to get together afterwards.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 1:17pm
Thanks Datedoyenne, Pianoguy and Sheri.
Keeping it casual seems to be the key. Looks like its going to be hard though. Last evening he sent a text saying 'How was you day, babe?' Had someone told me a month ago that a guy would say that to me after 2 dates, I probably would have cringed. But oddly enough, I did anything but cringe. We texted each other a couple of times about what we did during the day. Then he said that I seemed indecisive the other night. I said 'about what'. He said 'oh, I am sure it was nothing. Or maybe because you're going to be gone soon.' So I guess he has seen right through me. Well, the texts were all in a light mood and I ended it by saying 'I should say good night to you now'. He said 'Ha! Hugs and kisses to you. Sleep well.'
Maybe I should change the title of this message to 'Moving too fast'!