My behavior drove him away
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| Mon, 06-28-2004 - 7:38am |
I am new to this and I am hoping you can help me with a problem I am having. 4 months ago I started dating this guy who was a friend of mine for 2 years. We started it off long-distance because we live in different countries, but we were very willing to work things out. In fact we plan to move to the same city in August, me for school and him for work.
Everything was going well until I told my best friend, who happens to be a girl he had a fling with a year ago. She doesn't know that I know about the fling and has since been trying to break us up. She feeds me stories about him, (such as how he is very frivolous and non-committed when it came to relationships etc...) making me more insecure about the relationship. As if being long distance is not bad enough, to be fed stories about how he has tendencies to cheat just doesn't make it any better at all! My other friends think well of him, except her. I often ask him if he still has feelings for her and if he will date her if he wasn't dating me etc...
I know he was starting to get really annoyed with me but he finally reached the boiling point the night before he broke up with me. What happened was he had to visit the city my best friend lives in for job interviews and had asked her for a discount at the hotel she works in. She then goes and offers him her place to stay in (all she has is a tiny room in a house she shares with 5 girls.) I was really upset that she did that and I know she did it to break us up. He never told me if he accepted her offer but when I found out that she had done that, I called him up immediately and accused him of accepting. I went on a jealousy rampage, demanding that he tell me if he was going to accept her offer and that if he did, I'd call the whole thing off. He hung up on me and refused to pick up my calls for the rest of the night.
The next day, he called me back and that's when he broke it off with me. He told me he is not staying with her, but that he cannot date me anymore because he doesn't have any more feelings for me. I begged for his forgiveness but he refused to budge. So I respected his decision and left it at that.
I really regret doing what I did. I have been really insecure not just with the distance between us, but also because of the stories that are fed to me by my friend. I don't know how to make him understand that things would've been different if we were in the same city.
Do you think I should call him back after a week or so? Do you think he just broke up with me in a fit of anger? He is now in the same city as her for job interviews, but I found out that he hasn't contacted her at all. Is that a good sign? Do you think that means he still cares about my feelings?
Please advise, I am so sad, and I want him back so badly.
Thanks

If i were you, I would wait a bit, and then call him and say 'I am sorry for the way I behaved, I know it doesnt matter why at this point, I just wanted to see how you are, and see if i can make amens, becuase I care about you and dont want you to be angry with me, or hurt by my doubting your loyalty to me'
Good Luck!
A phone call doesn't guarantee a reconciliation. Sometimes this can be very awkward for the person you're trying to reconnect with.
Go the "snail mail/friendship card route" instead. Wait a week...then send a nice (but not mushy) snail mail friendship card to this guy. Enclose a short note if you want and apologize for letting your jealousy mess up the relationship the 2 of you had together.
If the b/f has any class...he'll at least call you...or send a card of his own to you!
But don't waste your "precious time" waiting by the phone or for the mail to arrive. You've got a life of your own to live.
Good luck!
Pianoguy
Thank you so much for your advice. It's been a week since he broke up with me (because of my sudden jealousy fit) and last night I wrote him an email apologizing for my behavior. In it I added that I did not expect him to get back with me, but that I wished we could still be friends.
Guys, what do you think? Do you think he will soften and ask me back?
Thanks