My best friend is cheating... with me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2004
My best friend is cheating... with me
6
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 8:37pm

My best friend is cheating on his girlfriend... with me... We've known each other since grade school and we've been friends since the end of middle school. We dated casually during high school, but that was all. I graduated last year, him the year before that. We started DATING-dating about a year ago, up until a few months ago. Then it ended, and we gave each other an appropriate amount of time to let go and start over. It was four months until he and I even started talking again, but by then, he was dating someone. A couple months went by, and he and I were best friends again... we were hanging out one night, he started getting handsy, and I swear to God, I tried to resist, but there is NO self control between he and I sexually. There never really has been, but I figured we'd be ok since he had a girl friend and we were doing the "just friends" thing. Guess not.

It doesn't really bother me that he and I are bed-buddies, but I feel bad for helping him cheat on her, even though their relationship is already failing. She treats him like crap, he's positive that she's cheating on him as well, and the sex between us is great...

I know we should stop fooling around, but there really is no self control, and I cant stop hanging out with him, he's my best friend! A title that he's held since we were kids. He's helped me more than any of my other friends put together. The few months where we didn't talk at all were some of the hardest, lonliest i've been through. Usually, when I was lonely or heartbroken, he'd be the one I'd hang out with to make me feel better. This time he was the cause of it... Now I finally have my friend back, I can't just end our friendship again to save his already dying one...

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 10:26pm

Are you really looking for advice? Or looking for agreement? It sounds like you are resolved on being with him, no matter what, so I don't know how much room for advice there is.


You know what you're doing is not cool. You know you can control it if you want to.


All I can say is if the tables were turned, how would you find out if your boyfriend was cheating on you with his best friend? Treat others as you want to be treated...


Not trying to be harsh here, but I think it may help you if you take a long, hard look at what you're doing and how many people it's really affecting.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 4:57am
You DO NOT have to break your friendship with your best friend. But you SHOULD stop being bed-partners when he has a GF. You know perfectly well, it takes two to tango. If one says NO, it's a NO, unless he would force you, and I believe he would not since he should respect you, and try to understand your reasoning (his being your best buddy). So request him to deal with ONE thing at a time, and deal with his primary relationship, first and foremost. You will feel good about yourself for being strong and wise, and will be doing everybody a huge favor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 8:44am
You've already told us that you aren't willing to quit having sex with this man, so there is nothing to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 8:59am

I'm not sure what advice we can give you. You've made enough reasonings to excuse your behavior and his so what more is there to say?

Is it wrong. YES. Do you care. NO. So guess that's it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 12:12pm

This is a bit of a mess. Well you are helping him cheat on someone else and that is something that you and he probably won't feel good about longterm


Exercise some self control and don't see him at

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 12:15pm

You're not going to get much validation for your bahavior on this board, so if you're looking for that, I'd try something else.

You need to stop and think a minute how "good" your best friend really is. He's continuing a relationship with a girl he doesn't want to be with AND he's probably sleeping with both of you. Doesn't exactly sound like a "catch" to me. Sure, you know him. Sure, you're comfortable with him. And, you probably even care about him. But now, guess what he is? He's a cheater. It doesn't matter that his girlfriend is mean to him. He could break up with her if he wanted to but he hasn't. There's a reason for that. Could it be so someone (YOU) will be sympathetic and jump into the sack with him? Hmmmm...
From an outsiders perspective, you're being used. He has the girlfriend that he obviously keeps for a reason and he has you on reserve to meet his "needs". Consider this and the other responses as your wake up call. Unless, of course, you're happy playing back-up.