My BF talks so vaguely :-(((
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| Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:49pm |
Am I over-reacting by feeling hurt at his seeming distance? My LD BF is so vague.
Few examples.
him:Sorry could not call you earlier
me: what happened..
him: I was tied up.
me: um... tied up with
him: just tied up with work
(I wanted to know about what exactly he was busy with. I was denied access, in my opinion)
another scenario
me: so how was ur day at work?
him: busy
me: what did you do
him: just work. am tired.
(I wanted to know about his day. i felt i was denied access)
another scenario
me: so where are you right now
him: outside.
me: where outside
him: we are just outside (meaning, him and his friends)
(I wanted to know exactly where he was. i felt i was denied access)
i don't think i am being unreasonable here.
I am not used to my BF's being so super vague. I am feeling frustrated.
And distant from his life. In my past, every guy I went out with, was quite open and expressive. What's wrong with him?
Is this a guy thing? Or is he being a jerk.
I must add he is not much of a talker to begin with.
we did talk bout this. and he said he just doesn't feel the need to add details.
i guess we are hugely incompatible in that case?
i need some details from the guy i love and am in a relatonship with, for crying out loud.

A lot of guys don't feel the need to expand on what they've done during the day, so I don't think that's unusual. They generally talk substantially less (as in number of words) than women daily too.
I have an LD bf as well and although he really is quite the talker (unusual in that he will talk and vent and rattle on for ages to me about work or things that are bothering him), he does have a tendency to be vague in some ways. Again, that is, I think, just a guy/girl difference.
My bf used to say, "We're going for drinks after work and I'll let you know what's happening". It used to frustrate me, because that didn't give me some kind of 'bearing' (not the right word, but I can't think of a better word at the moment) on anything. We talked about it and it's taken about 10 months and I've now met some of his work mates, so I get, "I'm going out with for drinks then we're going to dinner at and I should be home by ". I do the same for him. *For us* it's not about control or having to know every single move the other is making, but so that we feel like we're more a part of each other's daily life....and it helps, coz there's no guessing involved.
You said you talked to your bf and he doesn't see the need to add details. Methinks there could be a level of compromise you can both agree upon so he doesn't feel like you're scrutinizing every minute detail of his life and so you feel like you're more connected. If you're both mature about it, I think it's possible.
My male best friend has eloquently described this as such:
Women are to details as men are to ambiguity.
It's as simple as that. Once he told me that, and told me never to worry about such ambiguity and vagueness, I was a MUCH happier person. And you'll find that when you don't ask for the details (as we so desire sometimes), you don't need them...and then all of a sudden he'll give them to you.
I'm telling you...it works. And once he starts giving them, you'll find that you don't "need" them as much. =)
You and he are fine. Just accept this as......is.
=)
Guys can be very different from girls.