My boyfriend is coming over to break up

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
My boyfriend is coming over to break up
8
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 3:55pm
I am posting in more than one place, because I am hoping for a response of support before my boyfriend gets here and ends it all!!


I am in tears, I don't know what to do.... there's nothing I can do.

My boyfriend told me Friday night he wanted to step back because our relationship was moving too fast for him. I was in tears all night and wouldn't let him stay over (we went out to dinner & a movie after this conversation -- bad idea!) and basically jumped out of the car at the end of the date.

He was supposed to go visit his parents (several hours away) Saturday morning and stay the night there, coming back Sunday evening. He didn't call me at all Saturday. I figured it was both because he was home and because things were left so awkwardly Friday night.

He calls me today about an hour ago and left a message saying he wanted to talk to me. I called him back and after a minute of chit chat I asked how his parents are. He said he didn't go!!!!! He stayed in town because he wanted to think things over. Then he asks if he can come over and see me. I said yes, so he will be here in an hour and a half. We got off the phone after that.

I can't think of anything that this can be other than a breakup meeting.... it's certainly not a date and his voice didn't sound happy at all. I'm glad he's strong enough to break up with me face to face, but of course I am so devastated. And there's nothing I can do or say... it takes two people to want a relationship, and if he doesn't want one, it doesn't matter what I say or do. So now I have to bide my time here, pacing back and forth waiting for the axe to fall.

I am so very sad. He is such a great guy ... I can already predict exactly what he will say to me: You're a great girl, I care very much about you, but it can't work long-term (because of religion, long distance, age differentials), so it's better to cut things off now before more feelings develop. I'm sorry to hurt you, I don't want you sad.

Blah, blah... all true, legitimate points. I can see that even in my sorrow. But it doesn't make my sorrow any less.... I'm miserable.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 4:06pm
Sadelle,

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 4:16pm
Thank you, Terry. I appreciate your words ... and I do understand that I can't hold on to someone who doesn't want to be held. That is what is so terrible! Because I do want him, and I know that I can't.

The another bad thing is that we have to work together too for another 3 1/2 weeks (the working together also bothered him -- with all the major issues we have to deal with, it's funny we even managed to fall in love once!) too. And then I won't see him anymore ... and a month after that I move away to a different state.

I do respect him for talking to me face to face -- of course, that also makes me miss him more because a man of honor is the type I want in my life.

Every minute here is moving sooooo slowly! I have another 45 minutes, and I have no idea what to do with myself. And my nose and eyes are already red, which he will see when he walks in -- I've tried to hide it but can't. What a mess!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the support. I will let you know how it goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 4:25pm
Sometimes letting someone go (and letting go of them too) is what is needed in order for them to realize what they really had. It doesn't always mean that they will come back, and I certainly am not trying to give you false hope here... but, in some cases it can make a relationship stronger.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 4:32pm
Yeah, I think the moving may have a lot to do with it. Because it hinders us from giving the relationship endless time and space to see where it goes before making more serious decisions. We would be faced shortly with having to decide whether to do a long-distance relationship or not.

The last girl he seriously dated also moved away to another state (a closer state than the one I am going to), and he ended it with her rather than pursue a long-distance relationship. He said he was miserable when she left. And he has told me before that he is going to be depressed when I go. He said he likes to have a routine and being used to seeing me every day is going to mess him up. He has said to me a couple times, "I'm sorry for being a jerk. It's not right that I am a jerk just because I don't want to be depressed when you're gone." So, I think that is one big issue.

30 minutes left to go... I feel calmer talking with you guys here (I'm so glad for these boards!!!), but I wish we would have a happy ending.

But, hopefully he will realize a complete break isn't what he wants. Or if it is, I hope everything gets sunnier and brighter soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 4:40pm
Well... I can tell you from experience that LDR's are very difficult to maintain (I have been in one for over 5 yrs. now)... it takes a lot of hope, a lot of trust and a lot of belief in yourself and the other person...

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 8:30pm
He didn't break up with me!!! He said he realized he really did love me and it was fear that was getting in the way -- laregly because I'm moving. He apologized for this rollercoaster of a weekend. He still wants to take things slow this month, but now that I know he wants to be with me and he loves me, I can take things as they come with a happy, happy heart.

I guess I need to learn to be more optimistic... Thanks for all your support, guys! It was such, such a hard day for me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 8:45pm
sadelle,

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 10:16pm
Thank you, Terry!!!

I think this will make our relationship stronger. We've both been forced to think and reevaluate what we're doing relationshipwise and the fact that we both (hee hee!!) still want to be in this and see where it takes us is such a great positive.

I will definitely be a more positive thinker from now on!!