My boyfriend wants a break?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
My boyfriend wants a break?
4
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 2:58pm
My boyfriend just told me that he wanted a break for a undisclosed amount of time. He says that we are two different people. I asked how. He replied saying that he like dogs and I like cats. I like some movies and he doesn't. I want to get married and have kids and he is not ready. By the way, I'm 23 and he is 20. He says that he doesn't think he loves me anymore. I feel lost without him and am willing to work through these issues. Lately he has become distant even though we spend almost every moment together. He said twice that work was more important. I know how we women analyze the situation. I read a book from Dr. John Gray that states that he needs time to himself. To find himself and love again. I'm afraid that he won't come back. We have together for 7 months. I need some advice please!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 3:15pm
He doesn't just want a break. He doesn't want to be with you anymore i'm afraid.

The dialogue he has chosen to use:

He wants a break for an undisclosed amount of time

You are two different people

He isn't ready for a serious committment

He doesn't think he loves you anymore

I would let him have his space, I know you are hurting but he's 20 years old, he can't even legally drink of course he isn't ready for a lifelong committment. I really think he wants to end it completely, or at least that's what his words are saying, he may just be saying break because he knows you are not taking it well.

Step back from the situation right now, the more you push for you to stay together the quicker he'll run away. He may step away from you and realize he loves you VERY much, but being with you everyday still, is not having space so you need to let him go right now so he can find his way in life.

Sorry wish I had better news.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 3:23pm
I would have to agree with Sally. He is not into a relationship with you, and he's trying to back out slowly instead of just calling it quits 100%. He's still young and there is a big difference between the two of you- remember girls mature faster than boys. You said you were ready to get married and have kids and that he is not- I take it that you have discussed this recently with him. That could be why he's on the run.

Don't allow him to string you along for an *undisclosed amount of time*. This sounds fishy to me. I wonder if he's met another girl and wants to play the field, yet keep you as a backup in case she doesn't work out. Guys have been known to do those kind of things, so be careful. NEVER settle to be the backup!

Either way, you need to tell him that you do not want to take a break, but that it's over. If he doesn't want to be with you because of all these differences, then you are going to move on to find someone who feels they are more compatable with you. Who knows, maybe if you aren't there waiting for him, he may smarten up and realize what he's going to lose!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 8:34pm
well, I think some of the things your boyfriend said are crap, because liking different movies and different animals and such are what make a relationship interesting. Having discussions about your differneces help you keep your individuality, if you both liked the same things you would be bored. About the marrige and kids thing, that can only be settled by talking. And you could be missing out on so much if you just sit around waiting for him to decide what he wants. I know that it's just my opinion but I think you should move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 11:05am
i totally understand what you are going threw, my boyfriend just told me that he needs abreak he's 26 and i'm 24 i don't know what happened we were each others best friends and we were always together cause we couldn't stand not being with each other and we were so compatible and we had everything in common and he used to be anti-marriage and he told his mother that he could marry me and he wants to take care of me and my daughter i am the first woman that he has ever felt like that, and he has been in alot of relationships,and he is a good and very honest man i didn't think there were any other good men left out there anymore then came the dark cloud, his friends started giving him crap cause he never wanted to hang out with them and these are men between the ages of 27 and 32, they were upset because they couldn't have his undivided attention ( i mean they were worst than a group of females) and then i started giving him crap and bitching because i was made that his friends were getting in our business and i felt like they were trying to break us up so i said some really mean things that i didn't mean and it hurt him really bad and he is sooooo stressed out, so he told me that he wants to take a break and if we were meant to be together then we will get back together he said he needs time for his self he can't handle all this tension, so i have no idea what to think im going on with mylife and taking it day by day, and keeping my options open, but i seen his roommate drive past my house twice on monday go figure that.