My boyfriend...and love

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
My boyfriend...and love
5
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:32pm

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months (officially for 3). We are in a very healthy relationship and since we first started dating I had very strong feelings for him. I fell in love with him...and falling harder every single day. I have many reasons why I think he could be the one for me. A few years back when I was going through a hard decision about a guy, I went and talked to my youth minister about whether it was a good idea or not. He told me to go home and make a list of all the different qualities I wanted in the guy I was to marry, and to never stray from that list. So I did...and fortunately that guy didn't work. But I went back and looked at it, and my boyfriend fits everyone of those qualities. So that was the first reason that I thought he could be for me. Also, he was the only guy that my parents had been asking about for 5 years at whether he was single or not. And fortunately I grabbed him when he was. And I am just crazy about him. When I'm not with him or talking to him on the phone, I'm constantly thinking about him. So those are a few reasons why...

Now for the negative part of this message. My boyfriend dated this girl for 2 years before he dated me. He dated her and then stayed single for 2 years. She cheated on him. I had asked him a few questions about it, considering that I knew the girl he dated. I asked him if he was in love with her and he said "Well I thought I was, but it obviously wasn't if it didn't work." I know that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore. But see, the thing is is that I am in love with him and I am waiting for him to say it first. Yea, I know...some people think that whatever you are feeling you should just say it. But, I would just love it if he would come out and say it...it would make the moment a lot more magical. So, I really don't want to stray from that decision. He knows that I feel strongly for him, and I know he feels strongly for me...I just don't know how deep that goes at this point in our relationship. He has told me things like "you have me head over hills" and we are planning a camping trip this summer, and he has already invited me to go skiing with his family Spring Break of 2008. So, what I get out of that is that he DOES want to spend a long time with me.

So, what I'm wondering is...how long is too long to wait for him to say "I love you"? Even if my boyfriend hasn't said "I love you", do you think it is possible for me to be 100% sure that we will end up together?? (because I truely feel that we will)

Please let me know what you think, and thanks for your time...this message ended up coming out the size of a novel.

Amber

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:03pm
I don't think you can really give it a timeline. I think to say "I love you" early on would be reflecting the infatuation stage of a relationship and not the solid, friendship, love feeling that comes over time. When you "fall in love" with someone you are infatuated with them, because true love happens as you get to know someone. But I agree that you should let him make the first move on that. "Head over heels" is not "I love you". In time, he'll say it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 6:37pm
He may be hesitant about saying it, especially because of past experiences. If you feel the need to wait, then I would just take his actions as the sign of the depth of his caring. It sounds like he is into you so just have a little patience. One of my good friends didn't tell his girl that he loved her until about a year into it. Now they're married. There's no such thing as a timeline with love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 4:51pm
He waited a year before he said "I love you"? Wow, talk about making someone wait. I know someone who also made his girlfriend wait over a year before he said it. They are also married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 5:15pm
Yep... but it's not surprising for his personality. He's the type of person that wants to make sure of everything and look at all the consequences of an action. Different than how I handle myself, but him waiting a year makes sense knowing him, ya know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 12:39pm
So he sees the consequence of saying "I love you" too soon? Admirable. But a year? That had to be hard on the girl. I would assume, if it were me, that he didn't love me. But everyone is different. I'm a little more impetuous myself.