My Boyfriend's ex (this is long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2006
My Boyfriend's ex (this is long)
4
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 7:04pm

Hey,

Let me start out this little plea for help with a little description of my new boyfriend. He's perfect. He's cute. He makes me laugh. I feel beautiful around him. He makes me feel comfortable. We have a ton in common and he and I can talk forever. He lives in a house with his sister, his brother, his brothers friend and... his ex fling.

Now, I'm a very chill girlfriend, but I have been cheated on before. I have been used for sex by someone who I loved. And, that hurt. It was awful.

So, I told my new perfect boy about my past, after I learned that this roomate wasn't just an ordinary one. His exact words were, "I've been in bad relationships too (he was cheated on). You don't have to worry about Sarah (not her real name). I broke it off with her because she was dramatic and becuase I met you. I just want to be her friend. But, I guess she still likes me." Then, he suggested we just hang out, no sex involved, and watch our favorite show, Lost that Friday. A marathon.

Well, on Friday, I went over to his house and they were playing drinking games. After awhile, they stopped and my boyfriend, Sarah and I went outside so they could smoke. One thing led to another and they started to scream at eachother about this and that, since she's been really bitchy ever since he and I started being boyfriend and girlfriend. After about an hour of listening to them fight, I went inside and fell asleep. I woke up at 3 am and my boyfriend wasn't in the room with me. I checked the house out and both him and Sarah weren't there. I got a little angry and walked outside to my car, planning on going home. I walked past Sarah's car and noticed that they were in there. I didn't look, the windows were all wet from condensation, but I got really upset and stormed to my car, got in it, and drove away as fast as I could. I thought they were having sex. Two minutes later, my cell phone rang and it was my boyfriend asking me why I left. I told him what I had seen, but he said he wasn't doing anything, just trying to fix his and Sarah's problems. We ended the conversation with a timid, "I guess I'll see you later." But, five minutes later, he called and asked me to come back, he talked to me, asked me what was wrong, I told him that I had trust issues but he begged me to come back so we could watch Lost like he promised. Then he asked me not to sound so sad because it hurt him, then he joked around with me until I laughed. I went back over to his house and we watched Lost and he was sweet and loving and joked around with me and everything. It was perfect again.

But, how do I really know? I wish I had the guts to look into that car, because now I can't stop wondering about it and it's actually stopping me from studying for college. I mean, couldn't he have been treating me perfectly out of guilt or something? I mean, they both were drinking, which is never a good thing. And, why did they have to talk to eachother in her car when everyone else in the house was asleep? Also, when I came back, I didn't smell that sex smell and neither of them were wet from a shower. But, his boxers were a little twisted

I just can't get it off my mind, he promised me that he wouldn't do something like that to me, but I've heard all the excuses. I need someone's honest, well-thought opinion on the matter. Help me please, I think I love this man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2006
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 10:06pm
bump
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 6:45am

Hi,


No need to bump after a few hours girl! People don't always stop by the boards on a Sunday night, so breatheeeee... :o)


As for your situation, it's really fishy to me that they had to talk in the car and not the house. It's also fishy to me that there's such passion/tension if the relationship is really over. The worst flag of all is that he's living with his ex and he knows she likes him, yet is still there. Personally, a bit too much drama for me.


How long have you been with this guy? And how well do you really know him? And how long was she with him?


If he broke up with her because he met you, then it may turn into a game for her, seeing how she can get him back. Again, a situation I'd rather not be in.


I personally think there's too many questions here and I wouldn't feel comfortable being in this situation. I'm not saying anything is going on, I'm just talking comfort level...


Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 10:22am

Look, I don't know what happened between your boyfriend and his ex, but the bottom line is that he ended up in a car working on "their" problems at 3AM while you were supposedly in the house sleeping.

If this was my boyfriend, this would not be okay. He still lives with his ex and is still having deep conversations and maybe more with his ex. It might be time to move on.

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 10:12pm

I have no idea what is going on between your boyfriend and his Ex, but I do think it would benefit you a lot if you realized right now that no one is perfect, not even for a certain amount of time.

I also wonder why you would describe yourself, even in a screen name, as drunken. Is that really the way you want to present yourself, even when asking for help on a message board? I wonder how old you are.

I think I would have left the scene when my boyfriend started arguing with another girl. Do you neeed to be with him that badly that you would subject yourself to that?