My DRUNK friend came on to my man

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
My DRUNK friend came on to my man
12
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 2:41am
I am so confused, here is some background: I have been dating my (married) boyfriend for about 8 years (embarrasing I know). We have always had great sex and have more than once discussed (during sex) inviting another party to join us (both male & female). It has always been something just talked about in the heat of passion and maybe even one day will consider in reality if the right situation & person comes up. Recently I invited him to come to my house while I had a good friend over. She knows he and I have very little time together and that I am crazy in love with him, so when he came in, she said she'd be leaving after she finished her drink. Then 1 drink turned to all the champagne in my house and all the white wine I had chilled (I think it was about 5 bottles by the time this was over).



This was the first time they had the opportunity to meet and to talk so I was ok that she stayed at first. A couple of drinks later, she became more and more "friendly" with him, she was trying to defend me in that he should realize how good he has it with me because I love him so much, you know that kind of talk up that friends give when they know there have been problems in a relationship. The talk turned very sexual (somehow) and all kinds of obsenities were brought up. Remember this is the first time she's meeting him and she's talking about oral sex and repeating words like penis (slang words) and vagina (also slang). Anyway, while she spoke like this, she repeatedly put her hands on his shoulder and on his arm and then on his leg near his knee. I dont think I even noticed at first but he grabbed me and pulled me closer to him (a polite display of affection to avert the conversation and the touching I thought).I didnt realize until he started reaching in my shirt (which I quickly put a stop to) that he may be confused about the invitation to come over while she was there. She knew that she was flirting and touching too much because she repeatedly mouthed to me should I leave??? I kept giving that look of YES GET OUT, BUT SHE STAYED AND STAYED... finally after I had moved his hand off me more than once, and actually had a conversation with him in the bathroom about how THIS IS NOT OK, I asked her to leave telling her nicely that we were going to go to sleep. She continued the flirting and touching all the while talking about leaving and finishing up what was left of the alcohol.

My boyfriend at that point was putting his shoes on to leave as well and that is when she finally got off the couch to go...saying oh Im sorry, Im leaving.

He really was leaving it was late and he was out the door, but oddly enough, my friend's car was still in my driveway with her sitting in the driver seat... I knocked on her window and told her that he and I were going to spend the night at his house and she finally drove away. In hindsight I actually think she was waiting for him to leave.

WHAT THE HELL, I MEAN I DONT KNOW WHO I SHOULD BE MORE UPSET WITH HIM OR HER. I think he was drunk and honestly confused about the situation because of our past conversations. I can forgive that because well lets face it, that is one of his fantasies and I have told him that I would fulfil that for him one day.

But my friend had no idea of this and she came on to him anyway, I mean if I did that to her boyfriend when I first met him, I'd have gone home black and blue from the beating she would have given me.

Now she's been calling me & I have no desire to speak with her especially now while Im still SO incredibly angry.

He and I are fighting because of an old classmate (who I was never involved with other than friends) who contacted me through a classmate site. Is it a guilty conscience on his part, or is it just a coincidence that he is looking for an excuse to fight with me because I squelched his opportunity???

PLEASE HELP ME ANY ADVICE IS WELCOME !!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 7:03am
It of COURSE will hurt. Trust me, I know what losing someone you love feels like. However, this man is not a nice man. If he were he wouldn't cheat on his wife. He would not allow you to be "romantic" and with him for 8 years when you should be out there finding someone single, a good man would not want you to waste the best part of your life with him when he can't give you anything. Stop looking at this man with rose colored glasses, he is NOT a nice person, he's a cheater and a liar.

As hard as that is to take, you need to let it go, or you are going to find yourself much like the woman on Oprah, 20 years from now, still "alone" being 2nd best to this man's wife and the best part of your years gone by.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 1:59pm
Whatever your friend did while drunk is not as bad as you letting her drive home intoxicated. I would have choose my friends well being over a man (especially married) any day!!!

You should really reconsider your priorities.


Edited 7/28/2004 2:01 pm ET ET by sunshnhappy111

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