My ex wants me back (?)...
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My ex wants me back (?)...
| Thu, 09-01-2005 - 3:20am |
OK, this may be long, but I hope someone will read...
My fiance left me last July, and around January, I was feeling up to dating, so my best friend decided to hook me up with one of her good friends. She has known this guy from work for about 3 years, and I was friends with his ex and her mom for a year or so. Everyone (and I mean everyone...) told me for years that he was the sweetest guy, never broke a heart, always kept in contact with his exes, had three full time jobs, always took care of the few girlfriends he's had... I mean, this guy was supposed to be Mr. Perfect. The three of us hung out a few times, and I could tell there was something there. One night she had invited him over to her and her fiance's apartment, and we did that whole cute cuddling thing all night (it was cold! what can I say?), and at the "end" of the night he decided to stay, since it was 4 am, and he lives in a small town about 45 minutes away, so I stayed too. We kissed, and kissed, and well, kissed all night long. I didn't really know what to expect, I had only had one boyfriend my entire life, and we had been engaged, and lived together, and I was just plain unexperienced. Anyway, he invited me over to his house the next night, and we ended up having sex. It was incedible. I mean, WOW. So we started dating, and to be honest, I was way too into the sex for a brand new relationship. I KNOW that I was the one who initiated it, and kept initiating it. He had to tell me a few times, that he didn't want it to be all about sex, and whatnot. And I whole heartedly agreed... but he was out of this world. Anywho, we dated for a couple months, and in the mean time, he was late quite a bit, never really called, or called back in a timely fashion. Part of the problem was that about 6 months prior, he had been arrested for "providing alcohol to minors" - his room mates had a party at his house, and his name was on the lease- and had lost his great job, and had to check in all the time for probabtion, and was depressed about all the "horrible" things that had happened to him. I don't know exactly what happened... it could have been my wanting to have sex too much, or me calling him too much, or his being depressed, or his being afraid of commintment, or some other problem that I am not even aware of, but two weeks after Valentines day (when he was 4 hours late, because of a 'urine test') he told me he didn't want a serious relationship right then, so we should be best friends first, then see what happens. So we hung out 3 times after that, then went 2 months with no contact. I was pretty torn up, but was pretty much over him by the 2 months. Then one night, he called and was in town and wanted to get together. It turned out that he wanted to appologize for everything and try to be friends. I seduced him again and we ended up having sex that time, and a week later. That was late May, and my best friend was getting married two weeks later. I was supposed to stay at her place for a week and he was supposed to stay with me. I talked to him the day before the wedding for directions, I saw him at the church, but couldn't talk to him, seeing as I was the maid of honor, but he didn't show up to the reception. I wrote him off. Then last week, he called my best friend and was asking about me - how I was doing (she said GREAT! totally over you!), if I was dating anyone (No, she is ENJOYING being single) and what I would do if he showed up on my door (she would kick your bootay). I finally figured out that she was setting me up - he wanted to know what I would do if he contacted me, and she would report back. Any way, I don't know if I should even entertain the idea.. I mean, he hurt me BAD. I KNOW that I probably jumped the gun with the whole sex thing, and probably smothered him a little bit, but at the same time he was totally emotionally unavailable. Now remember when I said that he always kept in contact with his exes? It's true - except for me. As far as I know, I am the only heart he broke, and the only girl he won't talk to. He told me everytime I saw him after the break up, that he still has feelings for me, he's just not ready. I just am soooo confused about it... Anyway, I am done with my long story. PLEASE let me know what you think. ~Angela
My fiance left me last July, and around January, I was feeling up to dating, so my best friend decided to hook me up with one of her good friends. She has known this guy from work for about 3 years, and I was friends with his ex and her mom for a year or so. Everyone (and I mean everyone...) told me for years that he was the sweetest guy, never broke a heart, always kept in contact with his exes, had three full time jobs, always took care of the few girlfriends he's had... I mean, this guy was supposed to be Mr. Perfect. The three of us hung out a few times, and I could tell there was something there. One night she had invited him over to her and her fiance's apartment, and we did that whole cute cuddling thing all night (it was cold! what can I say?), and at the "end" of the night he decided to stay, since it was 4 am, and he lives in a small town about 45 minutes away, so I stayed too. We kissed, and kissed, and well, kissed all night long. I didn't really know what to expect, I had only had one boyfriend my entire life, and we had been engaged, and lived together, and I was just plain unexperienced. Anyway, he invited me over to his house the next night, and we ended up having sex. It was incedible. I mean, WOW. So we started dating, and to be honest, I was way too into the sex for a brand new relationship. I KNOW that I was the one who initiated it, and kept initiating it. He had to tell me a few times, that he didn't want it to be all about sex, and whatnot. And I whole heartedly agreed... but he was out of this world. Anywho, we dated for a couple months, and in the mean time, he was late quite a bit, never really called, or called back in a timely fashion. Part of the problem was that about 6 months prior, he had been arrested for "providing alcohol to minors" - his room mates had a party at his house, and his name was on the lease- and had lost his great job, and had to check in all the time for probabtion, and was depressed about all the "horrible" things that had happened to him. I don't know exactly what happened... it could have been my wanting to have sex too much, or me calling him too much, or his being depressed, or his being afraid of commintment, or some other problem that I am not even aware of, but two weeks after Valentines day (when he was 4 hours late, because of a 'urine test') he told me he didn't want a serious relationship right then, so we should be best friends first, then see what happens. So we hung out 3 times after that, then went 2 months with no contact. I was pretty torn up, but was pretty much over him by the 2 months. Then one night, he called and was in town and wanted to get together. It turned out that he wanted to appologize for everything and try to be friends. I seduced him again and we ended up having sex that time, and a week later. That was late May, and my best friend was getting married two weeks later. I was supposed to stay at her place for a week and he was supposed to stay with me. I talked to him the day before the wedding for directions, I saw him at the church, but couldn't talk to him, seeing as I was the maid of honor, but he didn't show up to the reception. I wrote him off. Then last week, he called my best friend and was asking about me - how I was doing (she said GREAT! totally over you!), if I was dating anyone (No, she is ENJOYING being single) and what I would do if he showed up on my door (she would kick your bootay). I finally figured out that she was setting me up - he wanted to know what I would do if he contacted me, and she would report back. Any way, I don't know if I should even entertain the idea.. I mean, he hurt me BAD. I KNOW that I probably jumped the gun with the whole sex thing, and probably smothered him a little bit, but at the same time he was totally emotionally unavailable. Now remember when I said that he always kept in contact with his exes? It's true - except for me. As far as I know, I am the only heart he broke, and the only girl he won't talk to. He told me everytime I saw him after the break up, that he still has feelings for me, he's just not ready. I just am soooo confused about it... Anyway, I am done with my long story. PLEASE let me know what you think. ~Angela

Nowhere in your post did I read that you were a couple. Did he ever ask you to be his girlfriend or did you just chase him for sex? Maybe he felt like FWB, not a couple.
Your behavior towards him was aggressive and assertive, you ignored his requests to slow it down and have more than sex going on...you say that he was emotionally inaccessable. Who knows which one it is?
If you want to be with him as his girlfriend...think about what that looks like and what you need from him. TEll him and listen to what he has to say. ARe you willing to listen to him this time?
Hi Angelawina,