My Ex(gf) refuse to let go!
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My Ex(gf) refuse to let go!
| Mon, 10-11-2004 - 11:22am |
Hi, really need advice on how to deal with my current situation.
I am 19 this year. And my ex is 17. We dated for 4 years. This year is a tough year. I started a band of my own and have been busy practising and have oso been busy with my studies. I try to make time for my gf but it never seems enough. She keeps complaining that i dun spend enough time with her and broke up with me a few times.
So, finali i tot probably i'm not ready for a relationship. And afterall I'm still young, and I'm not ready for a real commitment yet. So i decided we should break up for good. This is when the troubles start!!
When she asked to patch things back this time, I refuse. I tried explaining that there're many other commitments I have and I will not be able to give her the attention that she needs. She promise that she would change etc etc... But my mind was made up. I may seem very heartless but I knew the vicious cycle would go round and round. In time to come, she will start complaining that I'm not showing her enough TLC. So I was firm.
She got very depressed. She kept calling me and sending messages to my handphone, promising she would change and asking for 1 more chance. I thought she would probably give up after awhile. But she DIDN'T! She waited for me under my blk. Kept calling and sending me messages. She threaten to kill herself. She went to see doc on her condition, doc prescribe anti-depressant for her, but she did not take it regularly.
It went on and on. Come to think of it, it's been going on like this for months.
There was once, she actually attacked me with a scissors! This is no movie script! It's all for real. My parents spoke to her parents. But...still the calls and mesages keep coming... I keep trying to explain to her. but she nvr seem to be able to understand. I ask her to seek professional help. She kept saying if she get help, will i give her another chance. How can I face her and love her again?
Last Sat, she went to see doctor again and she got a referral to psychiatrist. But today, she kept calling again. I no longer dare to answer her calls. Her messages threaten to kill herself again, kept calling me a Bastard and blah blah blah.... I don't know how to reply her messages. I have had enough. I don't dare to be too harsh, afraid that she cannot take it and really will kill herself. But I no longer have any patience to deal with her.
What should i do? I think very soon I will need anti-depressant too. We are still so young, din expect her to react this way to our break up. My family are worried, afraid that she would try ambush me again. What shld i do? What can I do? Any suggestions?
I am 19 this year. And my ex is 17. We dated for 4 years. This year is a tough year. I started a band of my own and have been busy practising and have oso been busy with my studies. I try to make time for my gf but it never seems enough. She keeps complaining that i dun spend enough time with her and broke up with me a few times.
So, finali i tot probably i'm not ready for a relationship. And afterall I'm still young, and I'm not ready for a real commitment yet. So i decided we should break up for good. This is when the troubles start!!
When she asked to patch things back this time, I refuse. I tried explaining that there're many other commitments I have and I will not be able to give her the attention that she needs. She promise that she would change etc etc... But my mind was made up. I may seem very heartless but I knew the vicious cycle would go round and round. In time to come, she will start complaining that I'm not showing her enough TLC. So I was firm.
She got very depressed. She kept calling me and sending messages to my handphone, promising she would change and asking for 1 more chance. I thought she would probably give up after awhile. But she DIDN'T! She waited for me under my blk. Kept calling and sending me messages. She threaten to kill herself. She went to see doc on her condition, doc prescribe anti-depressant for her, but she did not take it regularly.
It went on and on. Come to think of it, it's been going on like this for months.
There was once, she actually attacked me with a scissors! This is no movie script! It's all for real. My parents spoke to her parents. But...still the calls and mesages keep coming... I keep trying to explain to her. but she nvr seem to be able to understand. I ask her to seek professional help. She kept saying if she get help, will i give her another chance. How can I face her and love her again?
Last Sat, she went to see doctor again and she got a referral to psychiatrist. But today, she kept calling again. I no longer dare to answer her calls. Her messages threaten to kill herself again, kept calling me a Bastard and blah blah blah.... I don't know how to reply her messages. I have had enough. I don't dare to be too harsh, afraid that she cannot take it and really will kill herself. But I no longer have any patience to deal with her.
What should i do? I think very soon I will need anti-depressant too. We are still so young, din expect her to react this way to our break up. My family are worried, afraid that she would try ambush me again. What shld i do? What can I do? Any suggestions?

Good luck
If she confronts you in person telling you she is depressed and wants you back, tell her very direct, looking her in the face:
"I am sorry that you feel that way, but I have moved on."
Then don't address her again. keep repeating yourself in a calm manner the same message and then leave the area. If she follows ignore her, don't act irriated, don't make any promises. She is looking for attention and by talking to her, or even showing any emotion, you will be giving her what she wants which is to feel like she has some effect on your life.
If her parents know that she is acting this way, and she is going to be going to a shrink then you should NOT feel responsible for her suicide threats, she is saying it for attention and to get you to talk to her. So if she is talking to you and she says she will kill herself don't tell her not to do it, just say the above message "I am sorry you feel that way, but I have moved on." The chances she will really kill her self are pretty low b/c she is using suicide as a weapon, most people who really intend to kill themselves don't run around announcing it to people and using it as a device to get attention. She is very immature.
Do not let this girl back in your life! I had to deal with a crazy ex and actually gave this person a 2nd chance after they supposedly "got better" yea, right, they did not get better, only more attached and crazy.
If she starts to really follow you, or hurt your possessions (people like this are the ones who key or egg cars) you may need to get a restraining order. They are easy to get, talk to your parents about it.
Definitely don't talk to her. Just tell her you have to go. Don't get into telling her she needs help, etc. Th more you talk to her and get into it with her, the more she'll hang on to you. Her parents know what she's doing now, so they'll be able to keep an eye on her.
Don't let her make you feel guilty. You ARE young and should definitely not be worried about a committed relationship. I congratulate you on recognizing that.
I do think maybe it would be a good idea to meet with a counselor of some sort to help you get through this. There are numerous resources online as well.
And just remember, you are NOT responsible for anything she does. Don't let her threats of self-harm make you feel guilty. Chances are, she won't harm herself. Yes, her threats should be taken seriously and her parents should definitely get her help. But that's THEIR responsibility - if you show her too much concern, she might hang on to that as a glimmer of hope.
But just keep in mind, a lot of times, suicide threats are "cries for help." Most suicide attempts are unsuccessful. And a lot of the time, the person doesn't actually want to die; they just want the pain they're experiencing to go away.
I know what it's like when someone talks about harming him/herself. I've had experiences with people who are that despondent as well. Each of these people are still alive today. They did not follow through on their threats.
And just so you know - I have an ex-boyfriend who dumped ME and after a couple of months, he wanted me back. I refused, and he kept sending me letters telling me he wanted to die and that he was going to kill himself.
That was over five years ago, and eventually, he did get on with his life. This girl will, too. She sounds like she has some problems that go beyond being heartbroken over you. Her parents will have to make sure she gets help. And believe me, her parents do NOT blame you, nor will they blame you if she does do anything to herself.
I do hope things will get better for you. Please keep us updated.
Thanks for all the advices.
Well, I gotta agree with sweet karma. I tried explaining to her. I told her that she needs to continue to seek help and take her medication. I can still be there as a fren. But she says, doctor doesnt help, the medication doesnt help. And she doesn't wanna be just my fren.
As of now, she is still calling me. I chose not to answer.
I was on the MSN Messenger last night, she was online too. She kept sending me messages but I did not reply oso. She still keep telling me that she will kill herself. And oso how she tried to cut herself and how her frenz tried to stop her. I think she did hurt herself before.
I hope this is the right move by ignoring her. I think I've probably gave her too much attention, that's y she doesn't stop her calls and messages.
I really hope this will be over soon...