My fav. customer--a Saga
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My fav. customer--a Saga
| Tue, 12-06-2005 - 2:57pm |
Ok. So, I met this guy who frequents my work and has been coming in longer than I've worked there (3 years now)...well, I remember one day just realizing how attracted to him I was...I actually never spoke to him other than the usual customer/worker talk. well, I didn't see him for a LONG time after that...but the next time I saw him, he looked even more gorgeous and was incredible nice when I mentioned how long it'd been since I saw him last...he just got back from living abroad(March). I was relieved...he was back! It took me 5 months after that to strike up a damn conversation with him(August)....and he is so incredibly nice. I randomly saw his profile on a 'myspace' type site, and thought i'd send him a message from the local coffee gal...responded extremely well, thought it was awesome I wrote to him, etc. We'd exchanged e-mails for a few weeks and I finally asked if he'd want to hang out. Well, we did...we just came to my place and hung out (some 420 which we both partake in....September) and he shared some spoken word poems that he does....I am smitten already. We continue to exchange e-mails, and some text messages, and he even came down a few times for drinks with me and my coworkers who he's also cool with)at the bar nearby(Sept-Oct). He moved, so our store was no longer near him...he comes in rarely now. November, we had a date planned for a museum and he had to cancel (good reason..) and we finally went out last night. I hadn't heard from him in two weeks, and he came into my store and we chatted...I texted him and he responded, and asked me to join him at an open mic. I went, and had a good time. The problem? He's got financial/job issues and it's really tearing him down...he's on the road to fixing everything when his new job starts in january, but he was just pretty bummed about not having money. "I know what it feels like to just want stability..." I said this, and he agreed...and said "I haven't been stable since I've known you..." so he's conscious of how long he's know me and being stable.... I tried to discretely mention that money is no issue to me without making him feed badly...could his lack of money be why we haven't had much connection? I had a great time with him...and he said thank you about 5 times..."no, thank YOU!" I said. I really hope I can see him again : ( What do you think?

woman, get a grip.
The man is financially unstable not due to "hard times" - but due to lack of awareness that success is a method - not found ina situation.
He's not able to "date" you at this point..he can hang out/hook up - eat your food, and have you spoil him. If he's willing to go that far.
But he can't date you. When people are fighting for survival - they don't prioritize long term or luxuries.
He's not in a position to utilize anything with you except as a diversion and distraction from his consuming job of getting his life back into some semblance of order.
If you mistakenly stick around thru all this thinking "if I sacrifice, tolerate, endure, and go without now - he'll make it up to me" - he won't.
You teach people how to treat you based on what you involve in and with - with them. Right now - you've cheapened yourself to the point that there is no reason to consider you worthy of car doors being opened, or dates being paid for - you're so willing to hang out to have something to do.
Do NOT put sex or money in the picture - ad you get it totally. You're teaching people waht you're worth...by what you put yourself in - in terms of positions - they're just "there".
So I'm sure you'd refute - and say "i've never hung out and hooked up, I've never just done all these sorts of fun thinsg but he's so exciting, and so sexy and good looking, adn anything for his attention and to be in his company, I did it JUST THIS ONCE...and now you're finding out that the reason he's not dating - is because he financially can't -and you're sitting here goes "oh, it doesnt matter what you've done, or what you have or haven't got to deal or work with - just be around me because I like me so much around the godlike status of us....that I'll do the paying, I'll do the sacrificing, I'll do without being dated - just to be in your aura.
He'll never date you when he's able...having been able to hang out and hook up when he's not.
And it's VERY unlikely that you understand the scope of the problem of his financial insolvency, and that it very likely has no resolution of any sort in a month. It might be that he's going to leave behind his debts, obligations, run out of some bills and "start over" - by saving money now that is due other people. There's very "creative financing" that doesn't get you anywhere but down.
But it's unlikely wahtever his financial situation is - that it's resolved in a month. and you never being dated in the beginning, if it wasn't necessary to impress you in order to associate.........you're asking them to disregard your requests and not consider your feelings when in financial solency you "hang out and hook up" - and they date other women....who they couldn't have gotten near if they didn't have the time and ability to prioritize living securely.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
and he agreed...and said "I haven't been stable since I've known you..."
As to this statement...he's referring to having known you since sept - when you invited him to hang out.
Not as long as you've worshipped him from afar.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
This took hindsight 20/20 and years to remove myself from the destruction I put myself into to see it clearly.
I did what you're doing - with the 3rd husband - who despite all that I lost financially and materially and socially to "upgrade him" - never really seemed to "care". It took me years to realize it wasn't that he iddn't care - it's that he was UNAWARE!
he'd never been financially responsible and personally independent and having all this provided again (like mom and dad had done) was "how it was supposed to be".
Today I look back and laugh....but again it took years of more losses and destruction and working my way out of it personally to get to this point....I envision us walking from my beautiful "new home' - that I'd worked so hard to earn and paid for literally in blood sweat and tears of every description - not all done well or right - but done nonetheless.
We're walking down the road - picking up aluminum cans in the pre-dawn hours (me focusing on that so nobody will see us that I know!) and he wanting to do in before the it got "too hot".
Us walking along, me trying to get this done as "his job" for his portion of our bills....before I go to work my first job 8-5, my second from 6-9, and take care of a kid's transportation and bath and dinner in between.....thinking about the unpaid mortgage, the car that needed tires...and he's walking along with "love" in his eyes going "we'll remember these times when we're old and gray and laugh." NOT - we'd been doing it 3 years so far and I was falling behind at a phenomenal rate.
I became gray trying to work my way out of the pit I willingly put myself in - by not realizing and accepting the facts vs. "his potential and how he made me feel".
The irony is...when someone has the power to "amek you feel good or bad" - realize that's in effect all the time whether this situation or their actions are pleasing or not!
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
If this guy was really hot to trot for you he wouldn't being flitting in and out of your life. He'd be front row center asking you out on a date. That date might be a very inexpensive picnic in the park but he would do it.
He seems a little wishy washy about you. Some men just aren't into having a relationship, he might be one of them, although he probably does enjoy your company.
Perhaps it's true that this guy has too many financial and career worries on his plate to give
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