My Fear Hold Me Back...
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My Fear Hold Me Back...
| Tue, 05-15-2007 - 9:46am |
Hey everyone.
You ever feel like you let someone get away? I mean, you really don’t know whether or not this person could’ve been good for you; however, you felt such a strong feeling that he could’ve been that it’s almost unbearable? Well, I’ve done that. I let a guy get away because I was too afraid to say anything. Now, it’s too late. He seemed to be perfect for me: kind, compassionate, handsome, successful. Now, I’ve lost my chance. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and I feel bad about it.
I’ve always been like this, the kind of person who sits back and allows opportunities to pass me by. I don’t take risks, especially with my feelings, my heart. Every time I was in his presence, I thought of a million and one reasons why I shouldn’t say anything like, “so, are you single?”… “wanna grab coffee sometime?” My reasons? “Oh, I’m the woman…he should be approaching me.” “Maybe he’s seeing someone already…he’s certainly a catch, so he’s probably not single.” "If he's not interested, I'll be crushed."
All my reasons kept me from saying a word. Now, my opportunities are gone…if I tried it now, it would be awkward, because I have no valid reason to contact him. I wish I could be a woman who wasn’t afraid to go after what I wanted. Now, here I am wishing I had said something. I’ve been single for nearly two years, and I’m so tired of dating people I’m not compatible with. Can anyone here relate? Can you relate to being afraid to take risks with your heart? Being tired of being single?
You ever feel like you let someone get away? I mean, you really don’t know whether or not this person could’ve been good for you; however, you felt such a strong feeling that he could’ve been that it’s almost unbearable? Well, I’ve done that. I let a guy get away because I was too afraid to say anything. Now, it’s too late. He seemed to be perfect for me: kind, compassionate, handsome, successful. Now, I’ve lost my chance. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and I feel bad about it.
I’ve always been like this, the kind of person who sits back and allows opportunities to pass me by. I don’t take risks, especially with my feelings, my heart. Every time I was in his presence, I thought of a million and one reasons why I shouldn’t say anything like, “so, are you single?”… “wanna grab coffee sometime?” My reasons? “Oh, I’m the woman…he should be approaching me.” “Maybe he’s seeing someone already…he’s certainly a catch, so he’s probably not single.” "If he's not interested, I'll be crushed."
All my reasons kept me from saying a word. Now, my opportunities are gone…if I tried it now, it would be awkward, because I have no valid reason to contact him. I wish I could be a woman who wasn’t afraid to go after what I wanted. Now, here I am wishing I had said something. I’ve been single for nearly two years, and I’m so tired of dating people I’m not compatible with. Can anyone here relate? Can you relate to being afraid to take risks with your heart? Being tired of being single?

There's a way to let a guy know you are interested without coming right out and asking him for a date. You could give him genuine compliments like, "you always look so handsome in that suit", or...you could ask if he is single - there is nothing wrong with that. Even if he says he has a girlfriend you can say, "lucky girl" and still walk away feeling good about yourself.
"If he's not interested, I'll be crushed." - I know that feeling. Everyone is familiar with that feeling, but the reality is that if you don't try, then you are guaranteed to lose the opportunity. So if you ask if he has a girlfriend and he says "no",then what do you do,right?
You have to determine the risk/reward ratio for a given situation. Usually, where there is a higher risk, the reward is greater. However, in some life situations, the risk can be high and the reward can remain stagnant - only YOU would know if the reward sweetens with additional risk. There is a point where everything levels off and then the inverse relationship takes place. Only you will know where that leveling off point is inside yourself and for a given situation. If he says "no, I don't have a girlfriend." Then I would just let it go at that moment. If he is someone you do run into on a regular basis, or knows some people you know, you can maybe invite him to a gathering at a bar or something and it will seem that you are just inviting a bunch of people out. When he is in that environment with you (social) then you can see if the two of you have a chemistry or an interest in each other.
I've taken chances and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. The sting of rejection is not great for me, as I have usually pushed myself to do things that I wasn't 100% sure I could do, but that is in all areas of my life. When it came to romance I was just lucky for a long time that things worked out and later on in life, I still enjoyed the luck, but because of my nature in general and getting training in rejection in sales for a good many years, I shrug off rejection. So the rejection itself doesn't bother me, it is the feeling "maybe I wont' feel this way again" that bugs me more because I know the world is populated with many losers. It is hard for me to "fall" for a guy, so when I have a special feeling I get upset that the feeling just hangs there with nothing to do (if he doesn't respond or respond favorably) and I cant do anything about it but experience it and hope that in time it just fades.
"if I tried it now, it would be awkward, because I have no valid reason to contact him." -- does he work with you or work out at your gym or does he know someone you know? If so, there is still an opportunity and it doesn't have to be awkward!!
"I’ve always been like this, the kind of person who sits back and allows opportunities to pass me by." - well, maybe now you have good reason to adjust this thinking and the future can be different for you.
yes - I do very well.
We all have things that juggle our comfort zone against. If we are more comfortable NOT having vs having - or the fear/pain of risk is greater than the pain/fear of being without then you will do just that.
An example - when you level of hunger gets too unbearable, you eat. When your sickness gets too much, you take medicine or see a Doctor. When you hate your job/salary/situation, you find a new one.
So - while the pain and fear of 'rejection' loneliness or hurt is greatest, then you will continue to allow opportunties to pass you by and hide behind your fear. When the desire for love, companionship and respect are greater than that fear of false safety, you will do something that takes you out of your comfort zone.
Either you will allow yourself to give/receive love freely without fear of failure - because there is no 'failure' in love there is only a failure TO love - or you remain a prisoner of your fear.
Love and fear cannot co-exist. Until you learn to love and accept yourself AS IS and give and receive love without expectation or fear, you will continue to find people who mirror your feelings.
Toni