my girlfriend needs ex closure
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| Wed, 09-13-2006 - 12:30pm |
discussion title: my girlfriend needs ex closure
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message #: x.1
from: needsomehelp2006
date: 12:18 pm
I need help. Me and My girlfriend Love each other. Trust me we really do. You just know. Even though we may be young we are deeply in love. There is a problem. Last summer we hung out a lot. Her boyfriend was in Michigan so we grew into really good friends and eventually got together. It was all good for about a month but then he came back. We all are on the same cross country team so she saw him everyday. Somethings happened and we broke up because she wanted to be with him and me. She never cheated on me. She hung out with him a lot but they never got together and she got in a relationship with someone else. Still her ex was in the back of her mind. This Feb she confessed her feelings to me and we got back together. Its been 6 1/2 months. Suddenly she is lusting for that one boy again. She dosn't want to be with him but she wants that closure. It's like a door is still open. As an example she would bear my kids but wan to have a one night stand with him. She knows she wants me but wants to find out if she dosn't want him I need help. What Should I do and can you tell me what we need to do to keep this relationship alive???

needsomehelp2006...
Pianoguy thinks YOU need to "lay your cards on the table" once and for all.
Ask the lady if she'd be happier with you OUT OF HER LIFE! Phrase it in this manner because it'll force her to either answer with a YES or a NO!
If her answer is NO...then you have to explain to her that the closure she desires from her earlier boyfriend..."SHE AIN'T GONNA GET!" Most men who end a relationship disappear or fall in love with somebody else. They don't bother writing a closing letter or a chapter called: "Why The 2 of us broke up?"
Focus on the fact that YOU love her...will treat her 100 times better than any previous boyfriend, and that over time, she'll notice how "devoted you are to her!" But in exchange...you need to have 3 things from her? And that's HER SUPPORT, HER CONFIDENCE IN YOU, and NO MORE REFERENCES TO ANY PAST BOYFRIENDS!
Because without any of these...there NO WAY the 2 of you can have a solid, comfortable, future together!
Now if your g/f decides to respond with the word: YES to the "do you want me out of your life" question....forget about anything I've said above! Your lady's "heart" belongs to someone else!
So....when you ask the question: "Would you want me to leave" that her answer is an affirmative: NO!!!
GOOD LUCK!
Pianoguy
There's nothing you can really do. There's only one person who can give her closure and that's her. Are you willing to play second string to this guy? Think about it... you're married with children and he comes back around. She sleeps with him. When you get upset, she says "well I told you I would want a one night stand with him."
It sounds to me like she's not ready to be in the same sort of relationship you are. She wants what she wants and that includes the ex. I think you deserve more. I'm with Pianoguy here... lay your cards on the table and go from there. By you staying in it, you're silently accepting being second best. And for a relationship to work, that cannot be.
Keep us posted.