Is my guy cheating???????
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Is my guy cheating???????
| Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:51pm |
Well, I have been living with my BF for 5 1/2 yrs. First year was great, the second-fourth were very hard for me. He was out "playing" so to speak. Out all night "with the guys" with no further explaination, worked sometimes, didnt work others... he is 3 years younger than me, I am 28. So the past year has been a "let's get this thing going" year and it's been ok so far. He has a great job now and I am 3 months pregnant and he has promised a phone call to my Dad to ask for my hand in marraige and a ring. (that was 2 weeks ago... still waiting)
So now that you have an introduction, he has had a # of cell phones during our history togather. Sometimes it would ring and he wouldnt pick up and I would ask who it is and it's "just some guy from work, or a friend" but one day I checked his phone and it was another cell phone number with an area code where he used to live about 20 miles away in the city. So ever since then (about a year ago) that number has been coming up on his phone outgoing and incoming when he is out in the middle of the night. I called it and IT WAS A GIRL!!!!
I confronted him about it and it is supposedly just a friend!! Then why havent I ever heard her name in our 5 years togather, or why doesnt he ever talk to her around me??? And why late night?? He comes home to me every night, I have to say, and he hardly ever goes out on the weekend. I just feel like for some reason, I am being deceived. Do I let this go? I have explained that this is a problem for me, but he doesnt stop talking to her. Should i call her or does that display lack of trust (which must be an issue here now anyway since I am writing for advise)?? I just don't know what to do and how to handle this? It's nerve wracking and I dont need it during pregnancy!!! Help!
So now that you have an introduction, he has had a # of cell phones during our history togather. Sometimes it would ring and he wouldnt pick up and I would ask who it is and it's "just some guy from work, or a friend" but one day I checked his phone and it was another cell phone number with an area code where he used to live about 20 miles away in the city. So ever since then (about a year ago) that number has been coming up on his phone outgoing and incoming when he is out in the middle of the night. I called it and IT WAS A GIRL!!!!
I confronted him about it and it is supposedly just a friend!! Then why havent I ever heard her name in our 5 years togather, or why doesnt he ever talk to her around me??? And why late night?? He comes home to me every night, I have to say, and he hardly ever goes out on the weekend. I just feel like for some reason, I am being deceived. Do I let this go? I have explained that this is a problem for me, but he doesnt stop talking to her. Should i call her or does that display lack of trust (which must be an issue here now anyway since I am writing for advise)?? I just don't know what to do and how to handle this? It's nerve wracking and I dont need it during pregnancy!!! Help!

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There's no way that a middle of the night call from a woman he has never mentioned to his gf in five years is completely innocent. I would bet a large of money on that.
Sheri
Sheri
Like last night for instance. He was out at an award dinner with his office (i know that for a fact) He arrived at the dinner at about 8:30 Pm and got home at around 1 am. His cell phone showed a call to her last night at 12:30 and he *67'd it (so it would be private number on her end on her cell phone).
He would only keep telling me that I really need to trust him b/c he loves me and that this is only a friend of his and they have known each other since grade school. If I try to question him on it further, he throws up this whole if you don't trust me, than we have a problem, and leave, but then once i actually did and went to my mom's for 3 MONTHS and he kept calling me every night and told me that nothing is happening and he wants only me. Part of me says that if he wanted to be with her, he could have then, but then part of me says that if I am to continue in this relationship, I MUST meet her and see with my own eyes which I have asked him to do a number of times, but does that show insecurity???? He wont introduce me... should I call her so that I can maybe look like a fool when she laughs at me and says they are just friends????
I am a HUGE supporter of having opposite gender friends (I have a ton of male friends and don't drop them just because I'm in a r'ship), but there is no way I'd be comfortable with an SO having secret female friends who are being called in the middle of the night.
Who cares if he thinks it shows insecurity? It's just you being smart and pro-actively protecting yourself! If he truly loves you, he will put your mind at ease about this. It's a classic cheater's defense, btw, to turn it around on you as he has.
Calling her won't do any good...if she is having an affair with him, there's no way she's going to be honest with you! You need to address this with him.
Sheri
Thanks so much for the advise. I will keep you posted.
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