My Heart is broken!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
My Heart is broken!
3
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 4:20pm

Well as I said on previous discussion I didn't know what to do about the guy I dated for 6months it ended last night.We had a talk if we can fix what was going on in the relationship and he said it is too late so we decided to end. He said he likes continue talking to me and I said I don't think so. I don't know if it is the right thing do shutting him off complitley or keep talking to him. If I continue talking to him I am not going to feel comfortable because of he is going to date another person, I don't want to hear that. If I ignore him we are going to miss contact at all maybe there is a chance to work out the relationship we had. What do you advice me is it ok to keep contact with him or shut him off?

Any advice will be great.
Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 4:56pm
It is very difficult to remain friends with a guy when you want a relationship and he just wants a friendship. It ends up being frustrating for you and him. I've been in this situation before. The guy and I ended up breaking off the friendship abruptly, because we were both frustrated with the friendship. In fact, he was so upset with me, that when I ran into him at a concert (about 6 months later) he still couldn't bring himself to have a conversation with me and chat. I had already moved on, but he was still uncomfortable.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 6:21pm

After an actual break-up (which you guys have), you should not have any contact with the person for at least a couple weeks. Take some time to think about WHY you broke up and see if it makes sense. See if it's something that is a total dealbreaker abd WHY it ended the relationship. For you, you said it's too late. Listen to yourself. If you keep talking to him and have these hopes that you will get back together if you talk, you will almost definitely wind up in the exact same situation in the future, but this time it will be after 3 months, not 6. The next time it will be 2 months and so on.

There's another book by the guy that wrote "He's Just Not That Into You" called "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken". He suggests taking several weeks of no communication AT ALL to see where YOU stand as a person and take time for yourself to evaluate whether you even want to be around this person again. The longer you stay away, the easier it becomes and you move on with your life. Right now, to fall back into talking to him would be "easy" since you're used to each other. Don't do it for now.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 8:13pm

I'm sorry to hear that because I know it's painful to go through a breakup, but I think it's for the best, given this guy's behavior.

I would NOT recommend keeping in contact with him for the time being. When you're completely over him, then you can re-connect as friends, if you like. The test for whether you're ready: imagine that you call him and he tells you all about his fabulous new GF. Are you happy for him? If not, you're not ready to be friends.

Sheri