Is my heart trying to tell me something?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Is my heart trying to tell me something?
6
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 5:59pm
I'm having one of those problems where you can't exactly put into words how you feel. I've been dating this guy for 3 months now...I'm assuming not exclusively since he hasn't asked me to be exclusive yet, but we're still pretty serious...and for the past couple weeks he's really been making fun of all the things important to me: My friends (he says when we get together we laugh so much that he wants to shoot himself), my singing (I'm in a chorus and it's something I really care about, yet he mocks it all the time), and other stuff like that.

Well, Friday was the last straw for me and I just had enough. I told him how I felt, and even though he said he was "sorry" and that " never meant for to take it seriously" and that " wouldn't do it again," there was still something inside of me that was hurt. I believe him, but you know how it is when you get mad at someone how everything they've done that upsets you comes rushing back to you? Yeah.

I tried calling him back after I briefly told him why I was so upset last night, but he said he was "busy watching a movie." Then this morning I didn't call/text him and he texted me asking me if I was still mad. I didn't respond. He called me and I tried to tell him why I was so hurt/upset but I couldn't get words out.

It's like...I feel it but I can't express it in words, you know? The best I could do was tell him something's been bugging me. He asked if it was just him in general...I couldn't answer. I felt horrible. He told me he had to go but to email him. Still nothing. The best I could do was just tell him everything that's been going through my mind lately...like a journal entry...it doesn't make much sense however.

I really don't know what's gotten into me lately. Anyone ever been in this situation before? I would really appreciate any input.


Edited 3/13/2004 6:01 pm ET ET by sweetsoprano05
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 6:05pm

Why are you even giving this guy another thought???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 6:08pm
It sounds like either he is incredibly rude or you are not on the same wavelength concerning sense of humor if he truly is joking. what got me was the chorus part - that is your art and he needs to keep his mouth shut if he doesn't love your singing voice - is he an artist of any type - I am not but let me tell you, i am my bf's biggest fan when it comes to his art - lighting design and photography - and the one time his design work did not come out great I stood by his side fully supportive. i would not worry about whether this is a heart or head issue - tell him that you find his way of communicating rude and harsh especially since he is targeting your singing and your friends and you don't find it funny - if he cares, he will tell you he is sorry or that he didn't realize and he will step. Given his passive reactions my guess is that he doesn't care enough, unfortunately but better to know now. I have met people like him and usually can tell within the first two dates or earlier when their brand of sarcasm is cutting and/or when they are highly critical/opinionated. Realize that he will think nothing of telling your family negative things about the food they serve him or their home - do you really need that?
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 6:11pm
I guess I'm just too close to the situation to see what's really going on. It's really hard, you know? You think you really like someone, even though they mock you one minute, and tell you they love you the next, and then finally that little voice inside of you goes "HELLO?! Aren't you going to listen to me?!" Maybe that's what I've been feeling.

Thanks for the advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 6:21pm
I think if you truly believed in yourself and your worth there would have been no conflict. I remember telling a real 'catch" that I would not meet him because everything I said on the phone was met with skepticism - he did not believe that I had the position I did at my firm (he asked), criticized my lack of a drivers' license - everything I said was challenged and confronted - I can just imagine what he would be like when we got to know each other - my guess is on the very first date he was critical of you in some way and that increased on date two or three but you questioned whether you were being too sensitive. Know from now on that someone who is that critical is not someone who is going to be your best friend. Ever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 11:01am
Sounds like this guy doesn't really like you. Do you want to be a doormat? I'd tell him exactly how you feel and if he doesn't straighten up, get out of there fast.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 11:05am
See that's the thing, up until about a couple weeks ago he was just fine. It's just been since about two weeks ago that he's started with the cut-downs. I know another mistake I've been making is that of being too available. I haven't really talked to him at all lately and he's been texting and calling me trying to figure out why. But like you said, I really have stopped and asked myself if I'm being too sensitive. I'm normally a very sensitive person and my friends tell me I can analyze things too much, but this time I really do believe I'm in the right. Call it a gut feeling I guess.