Is my jealousy going to ruin my life?
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Is my jealousy going to ruin my life?
| Tue, 08-23-2005 - 8:29pm |
I got divorced a few years ago because my husband cheated on me throughout our entire marriage. I did not know until the end. A few years after my divorce I started dating and have been with the same man for nearly 2 years. He is a great guy. I have two children and we all live togather. He even quite his job to move nearly 2,000 miles away from the town where we had both lived to be with us. Ever since we started dating I always feel like he is cheating on me, or he is going to. I know he loves me. He asked me to quite my job while I finish law school and is supporting me and my two children 100%. He takes my son to Cub Scouts and pays for him to play soccar and even coaches the team. His job requires him to travel several days a week, and he works mainly with women. I get upset when I know that they are going to be going to dinner after work and I cannot stop thinking that he is going to cheat on me. Recently I found an email (he asked me to look at the email to get him a phone # out of it) but the email was to an old coworked and at the end it said he really missed her. I have been thinking about it for the last 3 days - so much that I set up an appointment with a therapist next week! Am I crazy? I really love him and I want to be happy with him - what do I do now? I have told him how I feel and he says that those are my issues and insecurities and only I can fix that. He says that I can trust him 100% and I really want to.
What can I do?
What can I do?

Trust him.
well now i know this is a lot easier said than done. My ex- bf cheated on me twice, I threw him to the curb, and now i am dating this wonderful guy for almost 18 months. i have told him never to cheat on me because that is one thing I will not tolerate.
I think this bf of mine is different from the last. he is up front about everything. i mean, EVERYTHING. the thing that must be remembered is that guys are always going to look. you can be angelina jolie, and guys will still look. however, if a guy goes out of his way and spends time with you and those that are important to you, i think that's what's important. there's a connection on a whole different level than just looks and all the physical stuff. the fact that he spends time with your children, the fact that he trusts you enough and has nothing to hide (by having you check his email) i think says enough that you can trust him.
He is also honest enough to tell you that the issues about cheating/jealousy are yours and only you can fix that. it's true. he can try as hard as he wants to reassure you but if you don't get over those feelings, nothing he does will fix it.
so, i know you are trying to get over those feelings--you even booked an appt with a therapist! good for you!! any effort I think is a good step towards getting over what the ex-husband did to you. I am sure your bf would appreciate that very much. Well, even now, I have to keep telling myself and reminding myself if my bf has given me ANY reason to doubt or not trust him. There is none. He deserves my trust. And if your bf hasn't given you any reason not to trust him, then he deserves your trust--i'm sure he trusts you too :)
Positive thoughts!! Good luck!
What can you do? You go and have a long talk with that therapist, that is what you do.
When someone cheats on us it often strips our ability to trust others. That ability to trust can be rebuilt but it does take some work.
Good luck.