My man's X is driving me nuts!
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My man's X is driving me nuts!
| Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:40pm |
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. We have a wonderful connection and a good relationship that is continuing to get better. The only big problem is his ex-wife. She calls us both constantly. She literally runs the battery dead on both of our cell phones. She filled up my answering machine with messages about how she's still sleeping with him (which I absolutely have NO reason to believe--her stories don't even make sense). All of his friends and family have warned me she will do anything to get him back and not to believe her. She told me I was going to Hell for dating a divorced man. She actually dragged the last girl he dated out of her car and beat her up! I'm really scared of this crazy woman and her desperate antics are starting to wear down my patience in my relationship. I care very deeply for my boyfriend and his son and I thin we have great potentential for a long meaningful relationship but she's driving me nuts. I've talked to him about it and he hates it too but he never actually does anything about it other than tell her to stop it because when she gets mad at him she takes it out on their young son by telling him that his daddy doesn't love him and doesn't want to come home to them, etc. when nothing could be further from the truth. I want to be with him and he wants to be with me but she has my nerves so frazzled sometimes I just want to walk away because I get so overwhelmed.

apparently your bf's ex is a bit nutso.
and unfortunately, he's tied to her forever unless he can get full custody, she gives up custody, and he moves away with no forwarding address. or, of course, if she gets struck by lightening.
the choice is your's... doesn't sound like she's going anywhere so you have to either get used to it or leave.
why he's allowing all of this is beyond me, though. seems like a man would do more to stop the craziness.
good luck, honey.
So how about you take some action and filing a harrassment charge against her, if you have answering machine messages and such on cell phones and home phones then you have proof. Stop being passive and start taking charge of your life. She is emotionally unstable obviously if she's using the child in manipulative ways, how cruel to tell an innocent child that their father doesn't love them. When she calls, hang up. Don't engage her in a conversation, let her leave you nasty messages and then you have further proof for the police.
If she threatens you on the phone at all then file for a restraining order, which very well can be something that can let your boyfriend get sole custody of the son, if there is adequate evidence that she's a psycho by having calls to the police on the record is further fuel in court to get that child away from her.
Again do not engage her in any type of conversations, if she calls at work, have the company file harrassment charges against her, if she calls you, file harrassment charges and your boyfriend needs to step up and file as well.
Your problem isn't with his ex, it's with your bf. If he WANTED to stop the drama, he'd take action (including reporting her to the court for parental alienation syndrome; courts don't look favorably on that). He must be getting something out of it since he's allowing it to continue.
I agree that you can take certain actions yourself, but until your bf steps up to the plate and sets boundaries (and the fact that he's still tolerating this behavior after what she did to his other gf suggests that he's never going to do that), it will just be a drop in the bucket. The two of you need to be on the same page in order for the boundaries to be effective.
But for starters I would change my cell number and home number if I were you (and make sure you get unlisted ones). If she needs to contact your bf about his child, she can call HIS cell phone.
Sheri