My story and what IS dating?
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| Tue, 02-19-2008 - 3:12pm |
I am furious....I wrote out an extremely long post..stupid me didnt copy it so when I went to post, my pc froze for eons and I lost it all. I should know better by now.
I am cutting out all the background of my horrid drinking/abusive life and will try to get to the real question.
I dont know HOW to date. All of my past guys were either sexual encounters, bf's, or husbands. I am seperated/going through a divorce at age 42 and still have no clue what dating really is.
I understand it means going slow, not TOO connected, breathe, take time..but how do I make my head and heart understand this? I started online dating a few months ago, and either slept with the guys, broke off those that didnt click with me, or scared away the few i actually did like and saw as promising.
Now I am seeing a guy whom I met many months ago through Match.com but never physically met until 2 weeks ago. Our dates have always been at my apartment with alcohol involved, and yes I slept with him (Bruce).
He kept contact through emails, talking, texts for 2 weeks, but brought up too many ex girlfriends. We took a break by my request.
After a few weeks we hooked up again this Sunday. As usual I started drinking, but not drunk. He asked me to date him. We cuddled in bed all night because I was having my period. It was wonderful!!
Stupid me started wondering what DATING means the next day. We text and I asked him..still didnt make sense to me. I emailed him last night and really put him in a spot so to speak. this is his reply:

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Hi northwestwanderer, I understand what you are saying about the drinking. I have quit in the past, sometimes for years, only to start up again. Sometimes I can keep it to one weekend night, other times I'll stay on a 3 day binge and forget to eat.
I did start AA last year. I went for a few months until my ex said he was tired of babysitting the granddaughter. I had no one else to watch her and the group was too small to offer childcare at the facilities.
I know this sounds strange..but I drink to get out of my slumps. If I go a few weeks without a single beer, I become a major hermit, sad, and cant focus much on anything that needs to be done. I just went through this until I made myself go to a local small dive on Valentines Day, had a few beers, chatted with the patrons, and came home feeling more at peace....I am sure if I had some hobbies and friends they could replace the drinking.
I am like night and day when I am sober vs drinking. Sober I am quiet..too quiet...shy, withdrawn, sluggish, boring. After a few drinks I am smiling, laughing, dancing and animated. I LIKE me better when I have that 'high' so to speak...I am more daring, brave, etc..
Yes I am making excuses. If I give up drinking totally then I just feel like I will become a nothing, and lost.
~Lisa =))
Well, one of the many
Wow Sheri, I really saw myself in your words....You are right in that with my low esteem, I FEEL like I have nothing to offer a guy, but sex. It goes both ways for me though, I drink also so "I" can like the sex...otherwise I mentally block any enjoyment it brings.
So if I just up and quit drinking..I would be a lonely, shy, quiet person who never had sex again..what a bummer! LOL
Maybe with seeing a therapist, getting out in public more, cutting back the drinking, finding some friends (not sure how to do that yet) and taking dating (Bruce) in stride I can feel better about myself where I wont need the alcohol crutch to just be NEAR a guy I like..
I know all these things..its just the doing it. When I am weak I have no support system to help..I am usually the one helping others (my kids/the ex/neighbors)..Maybe someone holding my hand through it or just kicking my butt would help?
Seriously..I think you understand me in a lot of ways...thanks =)
~Lisa
~Lisa =))
Reading through your posts, and your replys to other posters who have responded, a few things strike me.
1)
~Hi tracy..you are an angel! I just joined the group you suggested, and see something good coming of it. I just posted there, and am waiting to hear back.
I just cannot let this guy go. He is way too amazing in so many ways. I havent told him all that has happened to me, but he knows there is something. He hasnt backed away, actually he has been more direct with me..which just makes me swoon, tho I am trying my best not to smother/crowd him.
I will tell him..just not sure when. If he leaves, than thats okay. I will be hurt, but its a chance I am willing to take.
I dont like games, nor lying...these are MY problems..only mine..lol..
I am always told I am beautiful..i work hard to give my best at the outward appearances..my mother taught me well..same with my house, nobody can come in unless every thing is in place and no dust can be see. It is
~Lisa =))
I'm glad what I said resonated with you and perhaps will help in some small way.
I personally don't think cutting back will be your answer.
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