My X-boyfriend wants me back?(M)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
My X-boyfriend wants me back?(M)
3
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 2:25pm


My ex-boyfriend wants to go back out with me. My parents aren't

too fond of him because, I let him borrow my car when it was in

my parents name. We've both grown up and matured since then. I was

the one who broke up with him because, my parents basically pressured

me too. I want to date him again. But, I don't know how to tell them.

I still live at home and I respect my parents. I'm 23 and he's almost 19.

When we first dated he was underage and I didn't know it. I was 21 and he

was 16. Is it legal for me to date him at this age? Do I give him another

chance? I care about him alot. We dated for six months. What do you all

think? I value any insight into this... Thanks in advance....



P.S. He is of age now. He's 19... And I've got my own car in my name

and he isn't going to touch it....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 2:45pm
I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but there is a big age difference here. You say you have both matured, but really you've just both gotten older. Your parents probably have valid reasons why they dissaprove of him.

I think that you need to sit down and figure out what this man has to offer you. Do you really want to be with HIM or just be with SOMEONE and he's offering at this point? Since you are now 23, you're probably thinking about school, carreer, family, marraige and children. What do you want in a partner? Do you want someone short term or long term?

What can he bring to the table? What are his goals, his aspirations, his values, his dreams and his priorities? Does he work or is he in school? Is he responsible? I know he doesn't have a car, but would he contribute to the gas you use up driving him around? Would he take you out on dates, or just want to hang out and hook up? What's his motivation here?

You also need to see if what he is offering is truly what you are looking for in a man or just filling the void because you don't have any one else at this point.

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 3:46pm


Thanks Alison,

I guess I haven't thought about that. I really am lonely right now. I

guess that I need to work on myself more before I consider being in a

relationship right now. It's just so hard , going from being with someone

day in and day out. To being single again. My last boyfriend and I called

it quits in March. I don't know. Maybe I need a little more time to heal.?

I actually have met someone who feels all the above qualties that you've

mentioned. My Aunt wants us to date. And my friend's think that he's

perfect for me. He's my age. He's 23. He's a manager at a store. Has his

own car well, truck. Is shy , sweet and funny. He has a lot in common with

me. My friend's said I need to talk to him. To move on.

To get away from my past. And everyone says that he likes me and people have

even said he would be the perfect future husband for me. I guess I'm scared

to go out with this other guy. He sounds a little too perfect and I'm scared

of getting hurt. I think he even called me but, I missed his call. My Aunt

said that she would leave it up to us. That she wasn't going to butt in it

anymore. I'm scared to "make a move" on him. He's got all the qualities that

I want in a man. And it scares me because, I've never had a "good man"..

Do I have a fear of "good men"? Or a fear of getting hurt?

I'm starting to consider giving up dating for awhile. But, my friends and

family said I should make a move on this manager man. Before he gets

snatched up. I'm SO confused I don't know what to think....... I am also

thinking about children and marriage and buying a house. And even a summer

home. I have my families farm to take care of and I want someone who will

love being on the farm too. And he's a country boy too. His family also

lives on a farm. Anyways, I'm blabbing on... so, I 'll go now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 10:13pm
I dated a guy that was a freshman in college when I was a senior. I thought I'd give him a chance since I've known him for a while (and he's finally of age). I kept pushing the age difference and he would get offended, telling me he's mature for his age, I'm being judgmental, I'm limiting myself, etc. So I gave it a shot. We dated long-distance for a couple months and then we fell in love. I came back into town and realized what his life was really like -- smoking pot everyday, drinking to get drunk, partying all night, sleeping all day, going to class hungover, etc. I remember those good old freshman days, but here I am, a college graduate and that was years ago for me. I remember how I quickly outgrew those days and I needed someone that was on the same level as me. He still has a lot of growing up to do and a lot more of the world to see. I never tried to make the age difference a big issue, but it was too much of a difference for me. Just a personal experience for you so you know that I went through the same thing.

And about the other guy -- why not hang out with him? It sounds like you two have a lot of the same goals. If it doesn't work out, oh well.

I, personally, am never going to date someone that's four years my junior (in college years, that is) again because we're just in two different points in our life right now.

Good luck!