Natural Progression of a Relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Natural Progression of a Relationship?
5
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 5:52pm
I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. Things have been going really well so far. My concern is that I don't see myself as someone who is good at relationships. I know that at the beginning there is the "honeymoon" period where both people are getting to know each other and you spend a decent amount of time together. It seems that we are getting through that phase, as we talk often, but for not as long as we were at first. We're hanging out about the time amount of time as the beginning. I got used to talking just about every day and I would call him, but I think he was calling me more. I still want to talk as much but I don't want to call so much that I become a pest. On the other hand, I don't want him to think I'm not interested, because that it far from the truth. Same goes with hanging out. We both have our own lives going on, but I don't know when I'm asking too much or too little when it comes to spending time together. Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom to provide? I just don't want to screw this relationship up like I have others. I guess a big part of the problem is that I don't know where I stand with him. I don't know if he wants a relationship or if he's happy just hanging out like we have been and I don't want to scare him by asking for a relationship "status" so soon. Thanks so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 6:13pm

The only thing I can think of about your relationship is that people tend to spend time together because they want to. It just kind of happens if it's mutual. I've read other's advice on these boards and I thought it was good. It's probably too soon for you to ask the status of your relationship, but it's not too soon to ask what he's looking for in general. I know that when I'm talking to a guy I can get a feel for where we're at by the way he talks about things. I.e., if he offers that he's not seeing anyone, etc. (Of course, as I woman I know saying stuff like that will scare a guy off that I'm not particularly interested in. Bad me.) My experience has been that people will volunteer how interested they are whether straight-out or indirectly. In the beginning of a relationship, however, anything less than a definite declaration of some sort should definitely be taken with a grain of salt. Men can disappear really fast. So you need to look to see if you're on the same page with the person. This takes time and experience to learn to read people correctly. I just find that I get bored with the insincere. Maybe you do, too.

My experience has been that if a guy is interested, he'll do the chasing. I know that you want to show your interest, but my experience has been that it doesn't take much to encourage just about any guy. As soon as they're past their initial shyness, they're usually pretty straight-forward about what they want. I hope things work out for you. Keep us posted. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 7:58pm

Each relationship progresses at its own pace, and that's because we're all individuals.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 1:37pm
I agree with Jilly. A lot of relationships fizzle out, because the guy is no longer in "pursuit mode". And here we are, blaming ourselves for coming on too strong or we did not show enough interest. This phase of your relationship is the most difficult phase to get past. You have his interest, now he will have to decide if he will be involved with you for the long haul. So don't play any games, whatsoever. If it is within your personality to call him every other day even to say a quick "hi how was your day?", then go ahead. If he really likes you, these little things won't bother him. If he called you everyday, then he's already set the tone of the relationship, so of course you would respond in kind. If he decides you are too pesky because you call more often than he'd like to talk, that is unreasonable on his part. But that would tell you he was "in it for the thrill of the chase". Better to find out now than later.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 5:39pm
Thanks so much for the input. I appreciate it :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:19pm

Yeah it is the beginnnig so too soon to get into heavy discussions. I would recommend trying to be casual as much as possible and not clutching. It's ok to call but I'd want him to do more of the initiating and asking out at this early juncture.


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