Neat Freak vs. Pack Rat

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Neat Freak vs. Pack Rat
4
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 12:34pm

I've been dating my boyfriend now for nearly a year. A few months ago, I moved back to my parent's home to save money and help with expenses my widowed mother has incurred.

The house is a wreck!!!! My mother is not much of a house keeper AT ALL!!!! My boyfriend, heard my distress about the house, and volunteered to help. I turned him down countless times, until he continued to bring it up, so I took him up on his offer to come over and help organize.

Last night, we cleaned and threw out several bags of items from just one room in the house. It was horrible!

Now, I feel embarrassed that he saw the conditions I have been living in. I feel that he might judge me because of the poor condition of the house. This was his first time there; I always stay at his home which is impeccable!!!

My fear, as silly as it may sound, is that my love will look at me differently and may walk away because of the condition of the house. I am not a neat freak, but I like things clean and organized. I have a threshold for clutter and then I've got to do something!!!

This house is not who I am! Do I continue to allow him to help- which I really need his help; or keep him away- which at this point, he already knows it all!!!

~Queasily in Love~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 12:45pm

I completely understand how you feel!! My father (who is also a widower) is a notorious pack rat, and his place is a disaster zone. He says he always tries to tackle the clutter, but he just gets overwhelmed.


I have tried to help him. In fact, my boyfriend at the time and I one time emptied everything out of the living room, entry way, and kitchen; completely cleaned it; threw out bags and bags of junk; and replaced all of the now-cleaned furniture back in its place. It looked so great, and I was so proud.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:01pm

THANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!

Today, I was really feeling bad about last night and scared that THIS may be it- the thing that causes him to run to the hills!!!
I felt distance from him- but it may have been my reaction last night.
(I pushed him out of the house after several hours!!)

Anyway, I appreciated you being able to relate! I know how frustrating it is. The thing about pack rats and clutter is that it's all emotional. Somehow every nuck-and-cranny ub the house being filled is calming to my mom.

All the best with you and your dad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 9:20pm

I know people who have to have all that clutter all over the place and all over the walls. I dont see how it can calm them when all it does is gather dust and require a lot of cleaning.

My house has been vandalized by my ex and other idiots he knows. When someone I personally know comes over to the house I warn them that it is "under construction" which basically means I'm working on fixing things. He destroyed my walls smearing yellow stuff on them, the inside of my cabinets too, I am currently doing tile work in both bathrooms and having to shampoo the carpets at least 5 times (scrubbing - all of the damage requires scrubbing) and they also destroyed my appliances, my furniture and my shoes and clothes. Slowly I am replacing or fixing things. I will eventually replace all the appliances and the attic stairs (they loosened all of the nuts and bolts - so I guess the stairs would fall apart and someone - like me- would fall and seriously injure themselves) but not the furniture...I wont replace the furniture. I hope to eventually move and I will address furniture at that time.

If I store something it is out of sight, like in my closets. To look at the house and garage one wouldn't see any clutter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:21pm
He knows its not the way you choose to live. Indeed he not only offered to help you clean and organize several times, he did so.
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