Need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Need advice
3
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:16pm
I need some advice please. I have been out of the dating scene for a while and have recently begun dating again. I have the basics down--talking first, then meeting in public place. Some first dates have gone well and have progressed to second and third dates, others have ended after just the first meeting. I'm OK with all that. My question is related to how much I should pursue a new relationship or let the man do the pursuing. I've had two good dates with someone new. After both, he's asked me to see him again soon--I agreed. Two days after our last date, I emailed him to say hello and tell him again that enjoyed the evening. I've heard nothing back. I know he travels out of state frequently and doesn't have access to mail when he's gone. It's taken him few days to answer in the past so in general, a few days with no answer doesn't bother me. Would it be too forward for me to send a friendly type email before the weekend? Should I wait for him to contact me? I'm not sure of the next appropriate move so any advice would be welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
In reply to: bookworm695
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:27pm
I believe that it is the man's role to do the pursuing. So with that in mind, I say wait. You already wrote him an email telling him that you enjoyed your time together, and I think that's enough. He knows how you feel and it is now up to him to be a man about it and pursue!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bookworm695
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:28pm

The ball is in his court.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: bookworm695
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:37am
Don't email him again! In the first place he may not have had a chance to read your earlier email. And men often take their time in communicating afterward. A couple of weeks, even a month may not be very long, even if it feels like an eternity to you.

He may also prefer to play the pursuer role in which case it would be totally counterproductive to appear to be chasing him.

This may be because he feels this should be his prerogative. But another possibility is that he may feel that you're getting too interested in him. He may be starting to feel like he's getting trapped. Because the first two dates went too well! If he is feeling that way, the worst thing in the world is to appear that you're upping the pressure. He might panic and run for it.

Better by far to let him worry that if he doesn't get in touch with you, he might lose you. If he has to choose between his fear of getting hooked and his fear of losing you. Better to let him worry that you might be getting interested in someone else than that he might be getting himself trapped! If he is still really interested, and if he is not pathologically afraid of getting hooked, chances are he'll get back to you.

In other words, you have nothing to lose and much to gain by not contacting him.

If you still haven't heard from him after a month or six weeks, you might consider emailing him again.