Need advice, I have no idea what's going on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001
Need advice, I have no idea what's going on!
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 8:47pm

Hi Everyone, Okay, I am going to try to make this as short and sweet as i can. About 4 years ago, a guy that i was interested in and i hooked up. We both were not serious because we had just gotten out of longer relatioships. Time passed, things faded as it was just physcial and we didn't really talk anymore. Both moved on. Then a few weeks ago, I received a FB message from him. He is single, I am single...oddly enough so we started hanging out again. Lot different it seems this time, not just physical, we talk forever, we go out to dinner, he stays over...yes it's very very early. I guess my big issue with the whole thing is the following: We have a past that was just physical. We still have that physical connection which is great, but is he just hanging around until something better comes along? And 3, he has A LOT of female friends. Women everywhere want this guy. His facebook is loaded with good looking women. I hate to judge things by facebook, but it is a means of communication. So I guess my big question is...does it seem like this guy could really be into me? He has been burned by an ex or 2, we all have. We talk about absolutely everything, we have a great time together. Feels like we are dating...but not really sure, and it may be too soon to ask him that question. What do you guys think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think the only way you will know is to discuss it with him.  It doesn't matter what we guess since we don't know him.  Having a lot of friends on FB means nothing--a lot of the guys on my FB are married & just friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2012
Some how you guys are gonna have to discuss where you see the relationship going so you don't assume anything. I'm in a similar situation don't want to bring it up waiting on him if he does. Good luck. I posted in single and dating a poem that was sent to me can you answer if you can
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2012
Sorry I posted just one question above your thread ....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2011

HI Girlie!

Ok so don't shy away from this current situation just because of what happened in the past. That was FOUR years ago. YOU are a different person. HE is a different person. I think it is GREAT that the chemistry in terms of physcial attraction is still there. I think it is even better that you guys have great conversation and that he is taking you out to dinners and what not. It looks very promising. Smile

As for all the girls on Facebook.. that is the problem with social networks. You can never tell what is going on! Just trust that he is spending his time with YOU and that should feel pretty darn good! Don't let those other faces get in the way. As for right now, they have not effected your relationship with him. Trust me. 

To me, it seems like you guys are dating. Now if you simply want to know if you guys are dating I would wait a week or so more before you ask that question. In regards to finguring out if you both are being exclusive (not sure if that is what you meant by dating) then I would give it some time. Make sure it feels right with him before you dive into a weighted quetsion like that because it requires some thought.

Hope this helped! Let us know if anything new comes up!



twitter: amylaurentmatch
facebook: amylaurentmatchmaker 
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010


   I would say do not second guess.  Take it at face value.  Why?  People who are popular may not notice that they are.  because to the outside it seems that they have many choices it does not mean that those choices are acted on. 

   When you say and think :"Women everywhere want this guy".  Are you not placing a barrier between him and you?  In a sense you are saying I am not worthy.    It is you that is doing this to yourself. 

     I am male and not handsome.  I look like a thinner Homer Simpson.  I have had beautiful women as friends and sometime dated them.   It comes down to two functions: the signals you are giving off and his ability to comprehend.

   I suggest that you not look a gift horse in the mouth.  Enjoy the physical,talk about everything including your future plans.  I suggest not thinking about "dating' as that is not necessary for a relationship.  many people "drift" into a relationship with out talking about it. 

     just put the worries out of your mind,be in the moment enjoy!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001

thank you all for your replies. I think you are right, just take it one day at a time and see what happens. I am just going to back off on being available, as I am thinking hey, I need to go live my life, and if he fits in great. If he wants to take the situation to a different level, sort of think that should be his idea so it's not forced. NO?