Need advice on men or boys whatever

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Need advice on men or boys whatever
14
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:44pm
Hi all,

I am a newbie here. I am a bit frustrated.

I go to yoga alot and there is this darling man that is there almost all the times I am there.

My friends have told me that he stares at me when I am going across the room, or talking to someone else. I have approached him and introduced myself. I say Hi everytime, and he puts his yoga mat near me alot.

I always seem to initiate conversation, I wish he would do it too!!

I talked to him today for awhile and he remembered my name from a month ago. He also, (as we were walking) got around me so I was on the inside of the sidewalk. Like a gentlemen or is that a sign of interest?

He told me he would help me with some Ebay stuff I have to sell, but when I asked him if he had a card he said no. I thought he would ask for a # or offer me his. Anyway, I do see him almost everyday so maybe he thought he would just discuss then..

I cannot tell if he is interested, darn. He is younger, 30ish so maybe he is scared. I do look young for my age, but about 35.

Sorry to ramble on, but I am flumexed!!!

Do you think he wants me or not, pleasssse!!!!!!!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:51pm
funny post..I'm a guy. see my post a few minutes ago on here, thats why i saw yours..

what you have described is the shy guy..good manners, not a geek(doesn't sound like that anyway)..he wants to be SURE you are interested in him, he's probably been rejected a lot lately. next time you see him, have YOUR card with your # on it, and give it to him with a date and time you want to meet for lunch or coffee or jamba juice or something easy like that. he'll take the bait...subtle hints won't work...we men are neanderthals at that sort of thing right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:04pm
Thanks for the advice!! I forgot to mention he is really good looking, but not arrogant about it. I think alot of girls want him, and I think "well I am cute, but not like them" (it is LA afterall)

I keep thinking he would have asked me out by now, but he might be shy, he speaks softly and seems sweet. I am scared I will look desperate if I ask him out.

I will keep you posted!!

Kathie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:16am
hahahahaha....

you are not 'asking' him out. you are merely confirming what you already know about him.

most women have NO idea what most guys go thru when asking girls out. sure, most are confidnt and all that,but its a big deal..someone who tells you different, ie. rejection is completely a non-issue is either 1)full of sheeyat, or 2) doesn't feel. doesn't mean they're not guy's guys..it takes a lot to walk that walk and all that.

so, just give him your card with your number...nicely...and say you hope to hear from him. easy..like I said, he'll bite..if he doesn't, i'll fly down there and buy you lunch for being wrong, and you'll get a date out of it anyway...hahahahaha..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 8:32am
I think if he is interested in dating you and available he will ask you out on a proper date, or at least for coffee. I wouldn't do anymore pursuing (asking for his number) other than being friendly and approachable - are you sure he's straight?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:15am
deena33 -why are you so down on a women making a small move on a man. You posted the same thing to me last night in my post "What should I think". Myself nor yogapug are asking these men to married us. We are just wanting to know if they are interested in getting to know us better.

yogapug - I think that you should make some sort of small move toward him, sometimes you have to. Guys are shy sometimes and he may have been hurt in the past and scared of rejection again. You have to let him know that you are interested in getting together. If he turns you down then don't think another thing about it. You have to go for it! Believe me I just did the exact thing you are asking about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 11:28am
hey yogapug..

I was just following this one a little bit to see what happens with yoga guy.

remember, I have a vested interest in the outcome, I might be on the hook for your lunch if i'm wrong about this one...

anyway--please see barbiedoll's post..he is the shyguy. I should know, I have a lot of 'that guy' in me too.

just give him your card, its a small move that he will be very receptive to..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 11:39am
Several of the men I've been in serious relationships were the shy type but when a shy guy is sincerely interested he gets over it. I do not want to be in a relationship with a man who is so scared of rejection he can't even ask me out for a drink - by definition, that type of man is unavailable. I am not down on women making moves just find it generally ineffective and know of no healthy relationships where the woman did most of the pursuing in the beginning. As a friend of mine mentioned to me the other day "I got so tired of him flirting with me all the time and not asking me out that I asked him to a movie." Guess what his response was "sounds great - I may have to do something with my family that day but I'll call you." Predictably, she ran into him the day before the date and reported to me that he has unrealistic expectations about relationships. They did not go out and it is obvious to me that he enjoyed flirting with her immensely but was not interested enough in her to take it further and who wants Mr. Lukewarm -

I think on rare occasions, where a man is sincerely interested but just out of a relationship, making the first move can be effective, but then of course you have to patiently wait for him to be ready to date again. In my book, it is better over 90% of the time to believe that a man who is sincerely interested in dating you, and emotionally and otherwise available, will ask you out. There is also the risk that a man has some interest but, when he is pursued by the woman his impression changes from "cool lady" to "do I sense some desperation here or maybe she just wants a fling?" - first impressions are easily changeable - and a man who is used to pursuing might change his impression by a woman who pursues him

It is up to you to take the risk - I find it an unnecesary risk - I have asked out many men on first dates and second dates - a nice percentage have agreed, none have turned into anything healthy and/or lasting and I see the same situation among all my friends and acquaintances and from most of the "stories" I hear. So, no, there is nothing wrong with it at all - but equating equality in the workplace, etc to equality in dating as far as an argument for pursuing men is to me mixing apples and oranges. I know that I have never given up an opportunity for a healthy/lasting relationship by not being the main pursuer. Works for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 11:55am
I wouldn't assume it's shyness that has stopped him from asking you out. It could be a lack of interest on his part, or he may be involved with someone already.

Nevertheless, I think the eBay idea is a pretty good hook and should be enough of a "nudge." The next time you see him you can remind him that you are taking him up on his offer to help you with eBay, and that's a great excuse to give him YOUR number! Let him take it from there. If he keeps it strictly "business" you'll know he isn't available to date you, for whatever reason.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 12:19pm
I don't think you can tell what's going on. He may just be flirting, or may just have wandering eyes, or may be very shy. (His good looks have nothing to do with whether he is shy or not.)

There are some shy guys for whom asking for a date is almost like signing up to get married, it is such a big deal. So he may also be afraid of getting himself into something he doesn't want.

I'd just continue to let him know you're interested and see if he makes a move. If he's really interested, eventually he'll find a way to get over his inhibitions, whatever they are. If you want to think of it as passively pursuing him, go ahead. It happens all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 5:42pm
okay everyone, thanks for the advice. I am off to yoga, hopefully he will be there. We'll see after yesterday if he puts his mat near me.

I just feel so bad if I get rejected, like I am not pretty enough. At this age, you think i would be over my insecurities. I am confident, but I always get the guys with the pot bellies and older after me, not the cute young ones I like.

I know, it's not all looks, but I was with the former for 15 years and i want to have some eye candy too!

Will post tonight what ,if anything happened.

xxxoxoxxoxo

Pages