Need Advice... PLEASE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Need Advice... PLEASE!
4
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 12:03pm

I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a year now, and we've been living together for the majority of that time. I love him with all of my heart, and I know that he wouldn't cheat on me or lie to me or hurt me in any way. My last relationship was abusive, and my ex exhibited all of those qualities. So problem is that when we first started dating, I was made aware of the fact that his best friend was a girl, and I was okay with that. But over the past few months, I've become more and more uncomfortable. Well, maybe paranoid and jealous are better words to use. His friend likes to gossip (don't we all!) and I am always so worried that he is going to tell her things about me or about our relationship that I'm not comfortable with her knowing. For example, when I was younger, I used to cut myself (I was diagnosed with Bi Polar Disorder and an Anxiety Disorder). This isn't exactly a secret among my friends and family, because they were all present when it was going on... but my BF wasn't in the picture then and I had to explain to him what the scars where from and why and everything. I'm so scared that he is going to tell his friend this and I don't want her to know. Part of the reason is that she is a Behavioral Speacialist and I don't want my life to become one of her cases. It is to the point that I'm afraid to open up to him about certain things because I don't want him to tell her. She knows more about him than I do. He opens up to her more than me. And I have a hard time accepting that b/c I believe there are certain things that you don't discuss with friend of the opposite sex... it just doesn't look good. To make this situation more complicated, whenever I am around, they talk around me... like I'm not even there. And she invites him out to dinner... alone (even though she is engaged). And he won't talk to her on the phone when I'm around and he deletes all the text messages that she sends him and vice versa. I have to believe that he isn't cheating on me. He just wouldn't do it. And in all fairness, he has known this girl for like

-JEN MyHotComments
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 4:16pm

Just because two people have known each other for 20 years doesnt mean that eventually they dont start to look at each other differently.


I am not a fan of opposite sex friends - especially socializing alone with each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 5:19pm
I totally agree with you on having opposite sex friends. I'm not a big fan of it. My ex would always say "so-and-so is just a friend... that's all"... I later found out that "so-and-so" was NOT just a friend. I have a friend of the opposite sex, but I only talk to him once every other month or so, and he is always the father of my first child... so I kind of have to talk to him from time to time. But I would NEVER go out with him alone or keep my conversations a secret. I think I feel so torn b/c my BF's brother and sister-in-law have assured me that he would never cheat on me, and I believe them, as well as my BF, when he says that he won't cheat on me. Maybe I'm just venting here, but I don't think it's so wrong for me to be the #1 person in him life. I'm tired of being put on the back burner in all of my relationships. Obviously, the best way to resolve this issue is to talk to him about it, but I don't want to come of as a clingy, oerly jealous person.
-JEN MyHotComments
-JEN MyHotComments
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 11:01pm

Okay, the way you dont come off as a jealous clingy person is to focus on what he is or is not giving to you in the relationship - and less on this woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 12:49am
I would just tell him the way you told it to us.