need advice, please help!
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need advice, please help!
| Tue, 01-10-2006 - 12:51pm |
I want to thank everyone first for reading this and offering any advice.
I met this guy about a month ago. I'm really interested in him. I love being around him. I'm never comfortable around anyone, always nervous, but him, it's easy. Unfortunately he lives 7 hours away, I'm in northern Michigan, he's in Indianapolis. He came up to spend some time with me and new years. He had to leave early becuase his dad is really really sick. naturally he's having a really difficult time with it. He doesn't want to talk about it much. When I talk to him I can tell how much it's effecting him. I feel so bad for him. There are a few other things that are also effecting his mood, but this is the biggest. I don't know what to do for him. I offered coming down for a few days to spend time with him, but he said that he's not really up for it, understandable. I tell him a lot that I'm here for him if he needs me. But I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. I feel like a broken record all the time telling him i'm here and asking if there's anything i can do. Does anyone have any suggestions??? I'm at a complete loss for what to do or say. I really like this guy. I want to see this thru and see what happens with us. I don't want to be a nuissance to him but i feel helpless for him. Any and all suggestions would be most appreciated. It would be easier, I know, if we were closer together so that I could actually be there but it's not possible.
Thanks again for reading and considering my options
Kristi
I met this guy about a month ago. I'm really interested in him. I love being around him. I'm never comfortable around anyone, always nervous, but him, it's easy. Unfortunately he lives 7 hours away, I'm in northern Michigan, he's in Indianapolis. He came up to spend some time with me and new years. He had to leave early becuase his dad is really really sick. naturally he's having a really difficult time with it. He doesn't want to talk about it much. When I talk to him I can tell how much it's effecting him. I feel so bad for him. There are a few other things that are also effecting his mood, but this is the biggest. I don't know what to do for him. I offered coming down for a few days to spend time with him, but he said that he's not really up for it, understandable. I tell him a lot that I'm here for him if he needs me. But I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. I feel like a broken record all the time telling him i'm here and asking if there's anything i can do. Does anyone have any suggestions??? I'm at a complete loss for what to do or say. I really like this guy. I want to see this thru and see what happens with us. I don't want to be a nuissance to him but i feel helpless for him. Any and all suggestions would be most appreciated. It would be easier, I know, if we were closer together so that I could actually be there but it's not possible.
Thanks again for reading and considering my options
Kristi

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I can see your point about being open to dating other people. But, in honesty, and you know this already, I don't want to. I'm not closed off to meeting someone and talking or whatnot. But in reality it's not like there are other guys waiting to date me. I don't go out a whole lot so I don't have opportunity to meet guys. I guess if someone came around that I might be interested in I would still see if he wanted to date me or whatever.
I really like this guy though.
After your ex's dad passed did you still have a relationship with him?
I can understand the point about him not wanting me/you to come down for that situation. I've thought about that myself. His dad had a stroke, the first was 5 years ago. I still don't know what his condition is like. i'm guessing not good. I haven't asked him about it for days. I've decided that the next time I talk to him if he's in an ok mood then I'll ask once if he wants to share with me what's going on, i've prepared myself for the fact that he might not want to talk about it. Is it wrong for that to hurt my feelings? I know I've only known this guy for a month but before this happened things were great! I'm nervous that this is going to hinder our relationship in a big way. I don't mean for that to sound selfish and cold. It's not that I don't care about his feelings and everything that's going on with his dad. I certainly don't want anything bad to happen. I guess I'm questioning where we're at. Well, realistically we're at a stand still aren't we? It's not like being so far away and him having a sick dad are really going to be points in which we can work on a relationship are they? Do I sound crazy? I'm really not. But I really care about this guy and want this to work out. I think I might be a little overeager here to.
it's really helping me to talk about this with someone. I really appreciate it.
By the sound of your post it seems that you don't think this is something that will last. What do you see that i don't?
Sorry if I wasn't clear...my question was, do you let him call you, or do you call him? I would strongly advise that you NOT call him and let him call you instead. Let HIM drive everything at this point.
My relationship with my ex lasted a little over a year after his dad's death but it was really rocky for most of the last six months or so. (His dad had also had two strokes, btw.) It ended in early November.
I understand that his not wanting to talk may hurt your feelings but the two of you really don't know each other well yet, so you need to do your best not to take it personally. Be supportive, but give him TONS of space...go on with your life and take a very "wait and see" attitude.
What I "see" is that LDRs rarely work out. Not only do you have the stresses of trying to start an LDR, you have this issue with his dad. The odds aren't good even without the illness and with it...they are even worse. I'm not trying to depress you, just be realistic. LDRs are really hard.
Sheri
Yes I have been letting him call me. Well, since Monday anyway. This time frame has been very small. His dad's stroke was on new years eve day morning, saturday. I talked to him that day and the days after until Wednesday. Then I didn't hear from him until monday morning. All weekend I stressed over everything. I didn't know if it was me, he jsut didn't want to talk to me, or if he lost his dad or what. On Wednesday when I talked to him, he was really upset and didn't want to talk about his dad. As the days went on and he wasn't answering the once or twice that day I called I overreacted. On Sunday I was really upset. I was worried about him, us, his dad, everything. I called more then I should've. I told myself to stop taht it wasn't helping but i couldn't stand it. I was worried. I finally emailed him at the end of Sunday and told him i was worried, asked him to talk to me, told him that i was sorry if i was overreacting but i had no clue what was going on. He emailed back monday morning said he's been depressed with everything. He has a few other things going on that aren't helping him. I felt awful after we talked. I feel awful now. I'm afraid that I might've ruined everything. I've told him I'm sorry for overreacting. Asked if I could help, offered to come down and spend the weekend. For obvious reasons he said no. He did say he would like to see me but not under these circumstances. Understandable. I think what I need to do is just let it be, like you said. I'm just afraid that I'm going to lose him. I do really like him and want to see this continue. I don't like the fact of possibly having to accept that sometimes things aren't mean't to be. I haven't liked someone like this in a long time. He's a very special person to me. Like I said before, until this unfortunate thing happened with his dad things were great.
I guess time will tell, like you said, wait and see. It's just hard to deal with.
I'm not a fan of ldr's. I told him just after i met him that I hate ldr's, but I like him enough to try and see what happens. He basically said the same thing.
Anyway, now I'm rambling.
Thanks for listening. I still feel lost in this. But, you're right. I need to give him space. I don't want to lose him. But, if it happens it happens. I can't control everything. I think that's part of my problem. I don't know that I necessarily have to control everything all the time but I need to know what's going on. And, with this situation I can't know everything because it's difficult for him, which is understandable.
I'm rambling again.
Thanks for all your advice I really appreciate it.
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