Need Advice...Sorry so long
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 5:46am |
Okay I'm sorry this is soo long but I realllly need any kind of advice I can't get...I'm so lost right now.....TIA for anyone who reads this :-)
I'm not sure what to think. The relationship I'm in...it's coming up on 2 months in about a week. Now I'm not really a relationship kind of person...I guess you could say I wasn't really wanting one when I got into this one. It just sort of happened. We'd hung out a few times leading up to when we became offical. From the first time we hung out, I've been very open with him about my never having been in a real relationship. It was a personal issue and I'm just not a trusting person but he didn't seem to care. He's been pretty patient with me...says he'll wait. And because he does live like 4-5 hours a way...it seemed to be going okay. We still have been seeing each other a few times a week and at first I was thinking that helped things stay slow. Now,I really do like this guy. I care about him. He's incredible....at first I had a hard time figuring out any real faults that weren't like...superficial kinda things. Lately though, I've noticed he's very...well I'm not sure what word to use but it's almost like he has this constant need to be talking to me when he's not with me, and when he's with me, it's almost like I can't even walk to another room without him wanting to come to. I never really noticed it until just after the last time I saw him. Maybe it's because I'm actually moving farther away soon and I'm beginning to be unsure about this...because it'll be the kinda long distance where we'll like never see each other. But anyway, We don't talk on the phone much because I don't always have minutes, but we talk online a lot. It's kinda crazy, I'll sign onto my computer and I'll have numerous away messages, and emails, and messages and comments on my myspace from him...all pretty much saying the same thing...and then he'll send another IM message saying what he's just said...and then asking me why I'm ignoring him because I didn't say something right away. Now I've never paid much attention to who's signed on...they sign me in automatically and I just go straight to my email...or someone else will be using my computer. And he gets upset when I don't reply to like...all of his messages. He's got IM on his phone so he's also IMing me from everywhere he goes....while he's at work, while he's spending 'quality time' with some family member....and the way he talks...it just seems all of his focus seems to be on me and I can't handle that. Especially because he seems to want my attention mainly on him. A lot of the times, I will be talking about something, completely off topic of us, and somehow he always brings it back to us.Sometimes about a future together. or continiously trying to get me to move closer. That's his main topic of conversation. I've tried explaining to him in subtle ways that it can't be like that...and he's done a little better...but at the same time...he's seems very monotoned when talk. I think he might be upset with me but I'm not sure how to bring it up...but I know I need to talk to him. It's starting to freak me out because for me, he's starting to move a little too fast. It was bad enough we sorta met the family kinda early on...well...I met his parents he met a few more. But it was kind of inevitable because we're both at home right now. and with me...my family is always around. We're really close so it was important to me anyway that they got along. so it worked out okay, my family adores him and I guess his parents really liked me. But considering how unsure I am about being in a relationship...and with my moving father away. That maybe it's a good idea to end it...though if possible still be friends? I'm not sure...I just think that I need a more casual dating experience before it's something like this. Especially with it being long distance. I've got a lot figure out in my life and I don't think I'm ready to share that journey with someone else just yet.
Okay well that's my dilema..er...well my story...I'm really not sure what I want to do really...because I don't want to hurt him but I can't handle a trapped sorta feeling...or what seems like a lot of insecurity on his part. I don't think he's all that happy with himself or his life right now and because I'm in the same sorta spot maybe I should...But I wouldn't know what to say or how to bring it up. He's supposed to be coming to see me this weekend...and well that might be when I leave too...and because I kind of want to do talk in person...I just need advice on maybe what I should say...or how to bring it up...I don't know...blah. I don't want to...but I think it could be best...*confused*
Again, sorry it's so long, but thanks if you read this...:-)

It sounds like you don't have romantic feelings for this guy and you only "see" him as a friend. Thus, you automatically pull back a bit and then his natural response is to come on stronger. There is nothing more annoying that going on line and being ambushed by a needy person. Dropping hints will not get this guy to cut the chasing to a mininum. You need to tell him directly that you are not interested in a relationship with him.
You mentioned you have never been in a "real" relationship, so I want to assure you that healthy relationships don't involve constant pursuit and smothering. This guy is very needy and has some issues in the self esteem department.