need an answer or suggestion

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
need an answer or suggestion
12
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 12:11pm
I was dating someone for about a year and last month he broke up with me in an e mail- in the e mail he indicated he wanted to do things as friends obviously without physical intimacy.

He also starting dating someone else which he included in the e mail break up.

I called him and said I didn't think the friendship thing would work and lets discuss it again in 3-6 months and see if that is even of interest to either of us.

He said no that isn't what he wants he wants to spend time with me as a friend and he told the new person he is dating that he would still be seeing me as a friend. I stuck to my guns and he said it was ok if I needed some time to chill

I sent him a closure note saying in the note what I said on the phone so he would get it that this was my decision to make for me.

He was not happy at all with my decision I think probably because I took control over the situation.

If in a few months I hear from him (highly unlikely I know, but just my fantasy right now )

I would like to know what to say to him that indicates in a nice way that I think what and how it did it sucks and that I have moved on with my life.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 1:32pm
calliesam2004...

Why bother giving the man the satisfaction of saying anything? Pianoguy understands that many women "want the last word" in a situation similar to yours...but you and he are not "in sync" when it comes to what you each want.

Being "buddies" this soon isn't realistic...a year from now, maybe? Meanwhile...you are a FREE AGENT...and have the right to pick and choose a man who wants to spend his time with YOU...and not a harem of other women!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 1:49pm
thanks - good advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 2:29pm
I'm going to agree with Pianoguy. Why bother with the guy? What could possibly be gained by saying that you've moved on? Why not just leave him be and don't answer the phone if he does call in a few months. DO move on and find someone who wants to be with you, someone who has the respect to talk to you in person. This guy is a coward and a snake from what I see, first of all, he decided that he wanted to see this other woman most likely while the two of you were together, and then he took the easy way by emailing you that it was over. You were absolutely right to say to him that the friendship thing wouldn't work. Most likely he would have been trying to get into a FWB situation with you while seeing this other woman.

Who needs a creep like that?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 2:45pm
Thanks.

When he said He wanted to be friends, I thought - if you didn't want me as a girlfriend why should you have the benefit and priviledge of my friendship.

One of the things I need to do is try to regain some of my self respect and self esteem so my radar will be out for guys like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 8:17am
I echo the others...I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing you gave him a moments thought.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:25am
Thanks everyone.

You always think you want the last word in this circumstance but the greatest satisfaction you can have is to get on with your life and enter into a relationship with someone who appreciates being with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 6:52pm
This is someone you dated for a year and he broke up with you in an email! Then he tries to dictate the terms of your new relationship.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:35pm
thanks good advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 3:18pm
I think the dozen red roses he sent to me the day before was for the guilt he would be feeling when I got the e mail the next day.

Talk about going from a great feeling of getting flowers from someone you care about to being dumped the next day.

The lack of sincerity of giving flowers was almost as bad as being dumped.


Edited 8/16/2004 3:20 pm ET ET by calliesam2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 3:47pm
OH MY GOD. First of all, I wouldn't give a guy the time of day if he decided to break up with me in an EMAIL, on which his new girlfriend was cc'd!!!!! That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! And he said he wants to be friends? Listen: you don't need friends who make you feel like that. You have enemies for that. You sound like a genuinely nice person -- you're even trying to think of a "nice" way to communicate with him. Don't waste your time or energy. He obviously didn't expend a great deal of energy when he decided what to do about your relationship with him, did he? Why should he deserve a courtesy that he didn't even offer to you? I say good riddance. You'll find someone who appreciates you. I feel sorry for his new girlfriend!

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