need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
need help
1
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 3:40am
I need some advice. I have been dating someone for a year and a half. When we have sex he doesn't cum. I have to give him oral sex afterwards. He first said that he didn't want me to get pregnant. Which I could understand. But after a while it really bothered me. I went on the pill and he still said that he wouldn't do it. About a month ago I told him that I felt that we were having sex just for me. I couldn't get the full satisfaction because I knew he was not going to climax and I told him something needed to change. He admitted that he enjoys having sex but he doesnt like to climax during sex he prefers oral sex. I told him I can't except that. I need to feel that with him. It is emotionally important to me. He said he would try to change. That was a month ago and he hasn't tried and he actually went soft on me in the middle of sex. I had to go down on him. He says that he has always been like this and he doesn't know if he can change. Am I being to selfish to actually thinking about breaking up with him? I feel like he is not sexually attracted to me. I know that it is not me. I think I am pretty good in bed. I don't know what to do.


Edited 11/30/2004 3:57 am ET ET by eternity318
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eternity318
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 12:10pm
Have you thought to go to a sex therapist if it's bothering you so much? You've been conditioned to think that when you're truly in love you have sex a certain way and he's conditioned himself to climax a certain way. I think in therapy you will learn something that is satisfying to you both. Right now you're getting worked up and even feeling blue about it. That's not good. Consider going into therapy for yourself.
Given everything else...how is it with him? Is he a candidate for marriage or not? Maybe it would be easier to get rid of him and find someone who is more 'traditional'. But if you're thinking that he's the one, then maybe a sex therapist is your next step.