NEED HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
NEED HELP
4
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:08am
everything was going great, expect he has issue with the fact that I had dated and slept with his brother over 15 years ago. Now he is being distant. Please help
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
In reply to: teezaz
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:26am
While it was 15 years ago, it may still bother him that his brother knows you intimately. If you have tried to assure him that is was the past and it won't happen again, if he can't move on then it's his loss.

On another note...is he using that as an excuse to distance himself from you?

Hope I helped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
In reply to: teezaz
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:32am
The only way to resolve the tension is by talking about what creates it. Thus, discuss with him what's bothering him. If you are unable to communicate and resolve the issues that arise between you two, it's not a solid relationship and it's not worth it staying in it. If he refuses to talk, then he isn't mature enough for a sustainable relationship. And, if he cannot get over the fact that you slept with his brother, then it'll always be on his mind and you don't need someone who cannot get over things that happened far away in the past. Hence, move on! The main idea here is to make it a point to stop bringing up the past and look into the future! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: teezaz
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:32am
Yes, many times. I even suggested that we go out. me him his brother and his brothers wife. I now it would be difficult the first couple of times. I honestly think he is using this as a shield. See his ex wife cheated on him twice. and I'm apparently the first person he has gone out with that his friends and family are impressed with. In fact, I'm the first one in 3 years that he has bought flowers for, he took to dinner and a movie then to meet his family(ie a cousin) and friends
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: teezaz
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:37am
He is dwelling on it and I know how dwelling away at something can make it worse then it is. I ended up getting so mad that I was yelling. the sad thing is I have memories of him then I do of his brother and those are 15 years ago. He used to date my best friend and next door neighbor.