Need help on dating/relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Need help on dating/relationships
2
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 7:33pm

Hi there, I'm new to this board and have never posted here. I am 28 years old and have never been in a serious relationship (well one when I was 22 so I kind of don't count that one). I have dated but never leading to anything serious. I'm also a virgin (not because I'm waiting for marriage but because I want it to be with someone special). I basically have a few questions on the steps in a relationship. Specifically:

1. When does the "exclusive talk" usually happen? Does this always happen or is it just obvious sometimes?

2. How long do you usually wait to have sex?

3. Should I tell him I'm a virgin?

I know this post may seem weird but any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 9:25am

1. Exclusivity is never "just obvious". The discussion should happen a few weeks or months into the relationship after both people have gotten comfortable dating each other.

2. You can wait a few hours or a few months. It depends on the people involved.

3. Telling somebody that you are a virgin before you have sex for the first time is probably a good idea.

You can wait until marriage to have sex, however, in this day and age you might want to think about it. Start reading the archives of this board and many other boards and you will see why. Women come here finding out their man has impotence issues, problems with porn and fidelity. These are concerns you might want to explore before you marry or you may be very unpleasantly surprised after you sign a legal document binding yourself to a man for the rest of your life. I am sure I am going to get hammered for that comment but it's JMHO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 5:43pm
Unfortunately, you can't put a schedule on relationships and say that at a certain point you should or shouldn't do any of these things. Every relationship is different and you can't make generalizations. For what it's worth, you shouldn't rush any of these steps and should do each "when it feels right". But yes, you should tell a guy that you are a virgin before having sex with him.

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