need help to save my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2004
need help to save my heart
2
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:52am
I am in an difficult situation. I met someone about 4 months ago and we both had an immediate attraction to one another. However, he had just got out of a 5 year relationship where the girl cheated and hurt him badly. That was about 6 months prior to us meeting. I myself had just ended a 4 year relationship. I knew that he wasn't looking to jump into another serious relationship, but he wasn't opposed to anything that could happen. Everything was great between us, yet his ex would pop up and mess with his mind. His close friends all told me to be patient and give him some time but that he was interested. Now it seems like all we have is an ongoing physical relationship. I know his past and I know that he isn't the type to have "meaningless" sex. Therefore, I don't know what to do. I'm scared to bring it up to him, and freak him out, if he just needs time before he can start a real relationship. And when he is ready, will it be with me? I'm really confused and he is all I can think about. I can't help but feel that he doesn't want me, apparently, and even worse that I'm falling for him. What am I supposed to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:22am
Hey, I kinda know what your going through because I was in somewhat of a simular relationship. He may be interested in you but I don't think he's ready for a serious relationship. I don't know how serious you feel about this guy, but if there is something there then I would suggest to you that you stop seeing him, at least for a while. Give him time to get over his past and get right within himself. If he really cares for you and would like to persue something real with you. Then when he get's to a good place he'll come find you. He may not mean to use you or be the type of guy that does, but that doesn't mean in some way he isn't. You don't want to end up being the rebound for this guy. I really don't think 6 months is long enough for even the best person to be able and ready to be in a meaningfull relationship. I know it sucks because it seems like sometimes we meet the greatest person but the timing is all wrong. So let go for now or you may risk causing damage to a possible future chance. Go on with your life and you never know when the two of you are both in a good place, you may just run into each other and who knows what might happen. Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:41pm
Sometimes being honest and open will make things so much easier. Without freaking him out, you should let him know how you really feel about him. But you also should tell him that you understand what he is going through, so you will give him time until he is ready to committ to someone again. Give him assurance that you will be there for him anytime as a friend. (This will give you a way back into him life when he is ready.)

Meanwhile, go on with your life as you normally would: hang out with friends, meet new people, etc. You should also expect nothing in return from him. When there is no expectations, you will be alot happier. If you see him change for the better over time, then you can find out if he truly ready to have a relationship with you. If he is never ready, then you know you should go on. I hope this helps.