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| Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:41am |
Hi All! I've got some questions and I am hoping you can help. Here's the story...met guy from OLD three weeks ago. We hit it off immediately. Almost every day since then we've communcated either via email, text or phone. We've been on two dates and number three is coming up this Saturday. I think we would have been out together much more, if we lived closer to each other.
What I want to know is when is it OK to ask what he is looking for in a relationship. I'm pretty sure that he's looking for a long term leading to marriage, but I don't want to assume as I've been burned before. Also, is it OK for me to ask him if he is seeing anyone else at this point, or should I wait? Lastly, my company is having a Christmas party in a month from now. When would it be OK for me to ask him to come with me? I would normally wait until a week or two beforehand, but he probably would need to change his work schedule and would need more notice.
I know that it seems that I am jumping the gun here...but that is why I am asking these questions because I don't want to mess up. But I've got to say, I've got a really good feeling about this guy (knock on wood).
Thanks for any input.
Pers :)

I would ask him about what he's looking for in a relationship when you're out on Saturday. The sooner you ask, the easier it is to make it clear that at this early point, you are asking what he's looking for *in general*, not with you specifically.
I would not ask about exclusivity yet. You should assume he's dating other people, and you should be dating others as well. But I personally find it tacky to discuss the fact that we are dating other people. It just goes without saying, IMO, until we've discussed and agreed to exclusivity and 3 dates is too soon for that, I think.
I would wait another couple weeks to bring up the Christmas party. Wait until you have more like 5-6 dates under your belt, or until 2 weeks before the party, whichever is sooner.
Sheri
Thanks for your response Sheri. I think that you always have such great insight. I am so bad at this dating thing (thus, I've been single for a long time).
So, here's an update:
Our last conversation Tuesday night (which was very nice), he told me he would call me last night. Well, he didn't call and this morning I came into work to an email from him. He said that he'd been toying around with a digital thermostat for hours. He also broke our date for Saturday night and asked me out for Sunday night. He has plans (had this planned for a long time) with a large group of friends to play paintball Saturday. It is his first time and he doesn't know what to expect, but he had talked to his one friend and he told him that you are so tired once you are done playing that he won't want to do anything. I also would like to add, that he lives about 2 hours away and he will be in my area starting Friday night (staying with his sister all weekend). Needless to say I am quite bit annoyed, I know that I shouldn't let it bother me so much since we just started dating but it does. I guess I overestimated him.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. Part of me wants to tell him I have plans and can't get together Sunday (he knows I watch football every Sunday with a particular group of friends...etc.), but I would be doing it out of spite and I know that's not good. I feel like he thinks I'll be available anytime for him. I don't know, I could be wrong. I guess that I am just disappointed and it figures I have nothing planned at all this weekend (an oddity for me--always got something to do). His email also said that he'd call me tonight. I don't think I'll email him back today and not sure what I will do tonight since I'll be out with a girlfriend of mine.
Thanks for reading.
Pers :)
Hmm...I wouldn't be happy with the cancellation or the fact that he didn't call when he said he would either but I would probably give him another chance. However, I don't think you should break your plans for Sunday if you don't want to--if he wants to see you, he can work around them.
If he calls tonight while you're out, I'd just return his call when you get home.
Sheri