Need an opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Need an opinion
4
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 3:33pm
I met a guy while I was out with friends a couple months ago at the local bar. A little flirting,a little conversation,nothing deep-get to know ya. I have talked to him a few times since then (at the same bar)and recently he has "suggested" we get together sometime,maybe a movie or a cup of coffee. I said that would be great and I gave him my phone number. There's never been any sexual advances or even sexual talk,yet nothing to suggest he finds my company repulsive,either. He's been a perfect gentleman. We've even talked a little about my children. He's a really nice guy and I like him A LOT. Now here is the issue: I asked around and heard that he is involved with someone. But I haven't heard it directly from him. He knows that I am deffinitely interested and has even said "So I hear you have been asking about me. Find out anything interesting?" with that "amused" grin that men are annoyingly famous for :). I know I should have spoken up right away. I don't want to embarass myself by assuming one way or the other,but I think I should know for sure. If we were really good "buds" that would be a different story and certainly not something I would question. But we aren't even close to that stage. In fact,I don't even know his last name. Since he knows I have been asking around and,if he is indeed seeing someone,he would know that I am aware of that small minor detail. One would think that if he just wanted to be friends, he would have suggested a group get-together (with him and his girl)instead of a "just the two of us" kind of thing. For starters,if I were to assume that it COULD be more than he intends,it could put a strain on a beginning friendship (one that I am completely willing to accept but that men generally get squeemish about). But if I were to assume that we could never BE anything else,then I would be putting an abrupt halt to what could be a great relationship. Quite the dilemma. Also,what's proper protocol here? Would a guy ask a girl out for a one-on-one "get together" (given the current scenerio and not a cheating boyfriend)or would he generally suggest a group outing? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanx.




Edited 3/21/2004 4:35 pm ET ET by timislo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: timislo
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 4:14pm
If he has a girlfriend, why do you want to have anything to do with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
In reply to: timislo
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 5:25pm
He's a really nice guy and I don't see any problem with being friends with a guy. My best friend is a guy and he's married with 2 children. I also had a huge crush on him for a long time. But he was dopey-eyed for this pretty little thing who was seeing someone else. Well, he married that pretty little thing,I counted my losses and decided his friendship meant more to me than any old crush. We're still best friends,I adore his wife,and our kids think of eachother as family. But I don't know if this guy has a girlfriend. I have heard that he does but not from him. If he does, then he'd make an awesome friend. If not he'd make an even better boyfriend. Back to the question at hand-should I just assume he is taken (thus seemingly make it clear that I'm off limits) or should I see where it goes (risking a possible friendship) and wouldn't he insist on a group setting (if he's taken)or does asking me out for one-on-one get together mean he's not taken and,therefore,interested.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
In reply to: timislo
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 5:49pm
I disagree. IMO, asking you out on a one-to-one get together does not mean this guy is not taken. For some guys, just having their cake is not enough. They want to eat it too.

If I were in your shoes, I'd ask him if is or isn't already involved with someone. He might be offended by this question, but you can easily explain that you had heard he was involved and wanted to know the truth before pursuing any type of relationship with him.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: timislo
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 6:41pm
Personally, I would confirm his status directly with him. Don't make any assumptions based on 3rd party information. Perhaps he is dating another woman but you won't know if they are exclusive unless you ask him.