Need serious advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Need serious advice
2
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 10:23am
hi Doyenne,

i'm 20 year old student and my boy friend is 37. we have 17 yr's of age difference. we both love each other a lot and want to get married after i complete my studies. but i am a bit scared to tell my parents that i want to marry a guy who is much older than me. is loving a guy who is much older to me a crime? he is a very nice and caring guy and has never married before.

please advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 2:40pm
There is nothing wrong with age difference, BUT there is a lot of difference between the two of you. You are almost young enough to have been his daughter. Have the two of you talked about having kids? In your early 20's you have a lot more energy for children than you do in your late 30's. Most people are grandparents in their late 40's, not first time parents, so if you're wanting children you need to discuss this with him.

Next I want to know how long you two have been together? If you have been together less than a year, I suggest when you DO get engaged that you set the wedding date at least 12-18 months in the future.

My aunt is 15 years younger than my uncle, my nana is 20 years younger than my gramps and my mom is 7 years older than my step dad- so to me big age differences are the *norm* in my family.

Just make sure that you are certain that the age difference is not an issue for you. Hopefully your parents will warm up to him once they see how wonderfully he treats their daughter.

Good luck

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 3:30pm
I see nothing wrong with it. You are an adult. But at the same time be careful because this guy has been around the block mor ethan a few times. He IS old enought to be your father. What would your father think abiut him? Would he approve? As long as the guy is not running any kind of game then it is probably okay to keep seeing him. But ask yourself this one question " Why has he never married? In all o fthis time why would a guy that is so wonderful still be single?" I mena do you think he has been waiting all his life to marry a twenty year old college student?

Does he live with his momma?

Does he have a job?

A car?

If you answered yes to number 1 or no to 2 or 3 I would say run for your life and fast. A man his age should not have any of these issues.

Does he have any kids at all? There has to be a reason why this dude is still single, or was single when you met him. Be careful, but I hope it works out for you.