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Need sex/relationship advice
| Sat, 04-29-2006 - 9:46pm |
Hi. I am a 19 year old girl, and have a 33 year old boyfriend. We have been together for nearly a year, and were very good friends for a two years before that. I am a senior in college, and am 3 hours away from him, so we have been doing a long distance relationship for about 8 months. He hasnt come to visit me yet, ( I dont have a place for him to stay) and I spend most of my time driving very far to visit him. He is sick and on medication (heart problems, arthritus, etc). We have never had sex. Never had any kind of sex. Very few sexual interactions at all. ( He cant maintain an erection, but we never even try- or do anything with any sexual nature other than kiss.) It is never discussed, but I cant take it anymore. Im only 19 and this is too long for me to go without sex. Plus, i have developed a very bad body image lately, something which has never been a problem before. ( I feel, even though i know i shouldnt) like he is repulsed by me, he has never even seen me naked. I really cant talk to him about it. He will just feel guilty and we dont discuss sexual things at all. What should i do? Please help... someone... I feel like after a year we should be much more comfortable with eachother than we are becuase of this- and i dont want it to go on like this forever.

I really think you already know what you want and that your not going to get it from him.
It is hard at times to give up a long term relationship, but its usually the dreams that is the hardest to give up and not the person.
When a relationship is starting to do you emotional, mental, or physical damage it is time to leave.
You need to decide what you want to do, but you need to do it for you.
Cheryl
Cheryl
Loonar Gifts
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Hi Lauied19
I have to say that at 19 years old you have so many years ahead of you to discover what you REALLY want in a relationship. You should be having a ton of fun dating along the way! Unfortunately, there is already a lot of heavy-duty sacraficing on YOUR end that would make women my age (42)leery. It is compounded by the fact that your bf is so ill and lives such a long distance away from you. I'm curious... how long have you known about the health problems and did he ever mention that he would have severe physical limitations? If so, what made you decide to be with him? Is the heart problem 'temporary'- meaning he will be fine soon or is it long term (heart failure or need a transplant)? Is he afraid that sexual activity will cause him severe consequences? Is his arthritis so bad that it's preventing him from having sex? These are just a few thought-provoking questions you may need to to ponder. Then you have to decide if - at age 19 - this is something you are prepared mentally, physically, and emotionally to deal with.
Also, at 33 I would think that he would be able to secure a room for a day or two in order to come visit you. Don't feel bad about your body image. A lot of medications DO severely affect a man's ability to have sex. If there is no end in sight to him being on these drugs, you may have to move on if sex is very important to you.
Lauried,
Please ask yourself "what benefit am I deriving from this relationship?"
If the friendship is what's sustaining your relationship ... then, be friends! Otherwise, there's no reason for you guys to try to maintain a relationship that has so many other strikes against it.
Good luck!