Need some advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Need some advice.
5
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 4:53pm
My husband and I have been together since I was thirteen. I am now twenty-one and he is soon to be twenty-two. We have two children. I the past few months, things between he and have gone downhill. He recently (1 month ago) broke things off with me. He told me he wanted us to get our lives in order, ect. I knew there was something else going on. I would ask him daily if there was someone else and he would tell me that he could not be with someone right now ad there wasnt going to be anyone else. On the the thirteenth I found out that there was a woman that he was talking with daily on the internet and telephone. She told a friend of mine that she was dating him, but she told me that they never met in person and so did he. I found out that this girl somehow knows me and had been trying to take my life. She tried to befriend my close friends, after talking to my husband for a week only she was claiming our children, and was trying to get my husband to divorce me. I pleaded for him to never talk to her again. The next day I asked him if he had soke to her and he told me no. From the 19th through now hes come home and has been staying with me and we have recently got back together. I found out that on the 18th, they went to dinner with eachother. Ive tried to let it go and tell myself that he wasnt with me, but the fact that he lied for so long just bothers me everyday. Yesterday, I was being nosey and checked Google for the username he always uses on websites and one of the things that came back was a profile on a porn/photography site. He also had been telling me that he wasnt watching/looking at porn while we were apart. The profile stated that he was looking for a woman for Romance, Booty, Friendship, Online flirting. This has taken a hge toll on me. Ive spoke with him about it and he tells me that he didnt tell me anything because he and I were not together. All the lying jst makes me wonder if I can trust him again. I dont want to worry about this daily. Hes supposably cancelled all the memberships and such. Does anyone have some advice for me to use in terms of getting over things and maybe building trust for him again??

Thanks

Daniella

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 5:22pm
I would set two conditions to him coming back (assuming he's even considering it...that wasn't clear from your post):

1, the two of you go to marriage counseling for at least six months, and

2, he lives his life as a complete open book with you...shows you exactly what he's doing online, who he's calling, where he is, etc., until you've had a chance to develop trust in him again.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 6:07pm
I told him this last night. He asked if it would chane anything, but agreed to it. So we will see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 10:55pm
You should be very thankful you have a husband when you met at 13 i never had that you got to be some great woman to have that just be thankful somebody loves you i had nobody so be greatful every minute you have a guy by your side,okay thanks.

Liz
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 12:53pm
lizzqu,

I agree that we should be thankful of what we have and always keep our heads low and be humble.

That said, i am sorry that you have had some bad experience in the past. And i understand. But being thankful for having someone by your side does NOT mean putting up with all kinds of CR%%^^P just so you keep that person. Being thankful and humble is a two-sided process. Both parties should feel thankful and lucky to have each other.

And as women, we have to have a lot of respect and love for ourselves and not be desperate to get somebody's love and that goal to define us. It should come from within. We should feel fabulous enough without someone on our side and that confidence will give us strength not to let people walk all over us.

all the best and luck,

d_willis

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 7:58am
More things have happened since. This female told me that he stayed the night at her house three days in a row and on the 2nd and 3rd night, they slept together. *sigh* I honestly dont believe this girl only because shes been caught in NUMEROUS lies. Shes seemed to want my life and has been doing everything she can to try to get me to leave him.