In need of some advice...so please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
In need of some advice...so please help!
1
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 7:21am
I am appealing to the higher ups on this one, because I am simply at a loss. So here ait goes. I am a 23 y.o. female who has been dating her boyfriend for nine months and I have realized how comfortable I am with him and how I don't have the desire or want to put in the effort of dating anyone else. However, the relationship in total has been rocky and recently it seems to have become worse. I am a very emotional person and need emotional support and he is somewhat emtionally vacant. Due to the stress in both our lives we are having alot of difficulty communicating in an effective manner. I am becoming more needy and he is becoming more aloof. What appears to happen is that when we go through periods of stress what little communication we have is lost, because of these emotional downfalls. I am realizing that my needs are not being met on many different fronts. I attriubte this to two different things. 1. I am not communicating what I need/want in an effective manner and he is becoming "deaf" 2. my self-image is pretty poor due to the high level of stress in my life and the way I see myself is no where near positive. These insecurities are beginning to overrun our relationship. My difficulty is that he is a great guy and despite our problems we have fun together. Right now I am at a point in my life where I am trying to fix many of my "broken parts". I cannot decide whether to stay in the relationship and work on it, because I do have feelings for the guy or to leave. The problem is that if I leave I want and need to feel empowered and positive about my decision. I am afraid that if I leave now I will be leaving something good behind and sink myself deeper into this horrible feelilng of self doubt and I will slip back into the same situation having the same problems. Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 2:11pm
Well, i would like to say that i completly understand your situation, but i don't. Simply because i am not you, although i have had my heart broken on several occasions. This is a decision for you and you only. I wish i could help. You just have to sit down and think about what it is you want most right now. Is this guy worth your time and effort? Is he worth sticking it out for? All i can suggest is you have one serious talk about what you both want and tell each other what you feel. It is the best way. Relatiosnhips only last with good communication.

Best of luck

Carrie