In need of some advise!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In need of some advise!!!!!!
1
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 5:29pm
I am in the middle of ending a messy 3 year relationship. Things were not physically abusive, but definately verbally. The whole situation was just getting out of hand and I had to do something in order to feel alive agian. I had just felt so smothered for so long that I was just numb.

Well for about 5 months before the move-out (my soon-to-be ex and I lived together for about a year and a half) I had once agian felt some feelings for a guy that I had once had a major crush on in school. We had grown up togther, but during our high school years and with him moving out of the country (until recently)we sort of drifted apart. We were kind of close growing up but not like seriously close, if that makes any sense.

When my "ex" and I were having trouble recently, my mom called this other guy and had him call me to just say hi and to tell me that if I needed him that he would help me in any way that he could. (side note: since this other guy has been back in the states, i havent seen or talked to him because my "ex" was extremely jealous. This other guy had been away for about a year) That was the one and only time that I have talked to him since he has been back.

I don't know what it is about this guy, but I cannot get him off my mind. I keep thinking about all the things that we have done togther, and about our times together growing up. One of the other things that I keep thinking about too, is the fact that I do not think that he has mutual feelings for me. Wouldn't you think that he would have made a bigger deal about calling me when he got back to the states. This other guy is a mutual friend of the family, so he talks to my mom all the time (his mom is still over seas). My mom told me that he really wants to see me and go hang out with me sometime, but he understands how things are with my "ex". About the whole jealousy thing. My mom also said that he doesnt hate me for not contacting him and that if I ever need him for something he will always be there for me.

My question is, do you think that I should make it a point to see this other guy? One of the things that is kind of holding me back is the fact that I don't know if he has a girlfriend or not, and I wouldn't want to ruin that for him. He is an extremely nice guy. Everytime I think about him he just makes me go weak. My friend always teases me about having a big crush on him, but I always deny it. I just wish that I knew how he felt about me.

Thanks for listening to me ramble on.

Any advise or insight would be appreciated.

Thanks,

KDELIZ
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 5:39pm
Well what you don't want to do is idolize the guy. You haven't seen him for a long time and he is not the person you knew growing up. Since you seem to have a crush on him, remember that a lot of what you are thinking about him is coming from that. Right now you are going through a lot with the relationship you are ending, so it's possible that you are hoping for a knight in shining armour to come rescue you. Now look at the reality of the situation: you are ending something and need time to deal with it. You need time to get over that situation and all the disappointment, anger and hurt you may feel. Also, this guy called you after your MOM talked to him. You say he's an old family friend, so he may have called out of a sense of duty, or because your mom asked him to. If you want to reconnect with him on a friend level, then by all means, do. But don't go fantasizing about what could be or what could have been with the guy until you get to know him again.

Right now you need to focus on healing, not another guy.

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