Need some opinions on this.... Help!
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| Wed, 05-23-2007 - 2:36pm |
Hello everyone,
I'm new to the boards, and after reading a bit I thought I might be able to get some good advice here. Here's my situation:
I'm 30 years old and kind of new "back on the market". My last relationship ended a year and a half ago, and other than a few dates here and there, i've stayed single for that time, but now i'm really looking to get back in there and find someone serious like I am.
Anyway, i'm sure alot of people have this same problem here, but i'll repeat it. Most of my friends are either married or have very serious boyfriends (who by the way dont have any friends to set me up with, i've already tried that), so i've resorted to online dating. Two weeks ago I met a guy online. We talked for a bit and then it went to the phone quickly. We got along very well and decided to meet on a double date, him and his friend, me and mine. Him and I seemed to hit it off awesome. He even told his friend how into me he was and he kept going on and on saying how gorgeous he thought I was. Anyway, he was very sweet and asked me if i wanted to go to the movies that Monday. We did. We had such a great date, you could just tell. We made plans to hang out again and go to dinner on Thursday. Now, I just want to say right off the bat I made sure not to have sex with him or anything like that. We just did some heavy making out, then I went in my house. He was supposed to call me the next day and he didnt. Now, I am extremely paranoid because of the dates I HAVE been on recently, i'm noticing that alot of guys dont even call back, so I thought that was what was happening. Here's where I made the huge mistake...
I called him and got that ring that means the person is on the phone so I left a message. He never called back and so I got upset and texted a few times (Please, I know this was the TOTAL wrong thing to do and I wish I could take it back). So by this time its about 1:30am and my phone rings. Its him. He asked me what was up. It turned out he only listened to my voicemail and didnt read my texts yet, he just called me back. I told him if he's not interested to please just tell me and I wouldnt make a fool out of myself and call him anymore and he said "no, that's totally not the case". He said his friend is a bartender at some bar and he went to go visit him with some old friends and he just didnt check his phone and he apologized and asked if we're still on for thursday so I said yes. He said he'd call me tomorrow morning (which means today), and guess what? It's 2:30 and no phone call. Please give me some opinions on this. Does it sound like the guy is flakey or am I being too hard and demanding on him? I just dont want to seem like a psycho to this guy and I want to see him again because I really liked him.
BTW, I erased his number from my phone and deleted all messages and dialed and received phone calls so that i have no record of his number even if I wanted to contact him.

Hi Scooter :)
My response is more something for you to decide for yourself. Not knowing anything more about the text messages, much less his point of view, the best I could do is guess. You might get what you're looking for if you answer this question for yourself.
Let's say the roles were reversed. Would you feel like he was coming on too strong?
As a sidenote, I totally feel you on the whole lack of single friends thing. I'm in the same boat. In a wide circle of friends, I am one few who are completely unattached at the moment.
Holly
Hi Holly,
Yes, I do feel like I came on too strong... Definately. I wish I could take back what I did but I cant. I'll tell you this. The text messages didnt say anything bad at all, i'm just worried because there were like 4-5 of them because I guess I just got upset and wrapped up in it and let it get the best of me. I guess I hit some sort of panic mode or something. He called me before he even read the texts and I explained to him what they were about, and I apologized because I am very good about returning messages and calls, etc and sometimes I expect everyone else to be the same way and they're not. He said not to worry about it and that the texts are "only words". Meanwhile, he asked if we were still on for thursday and said he'd call this morning and no call. So i'm just wondering what the deal is.
((((hugs))))
Yea, I think you need to simmer down, a bit. You could be over-reacting or you could be right on the money. I know how it is easy to meet a guy and get caught up in the situation. He is new, fun, and there it the "I think he likes me too" kinda thing. The last guy I met online talked to me for a month on the phone and we had two amazing dates, and I never heard from him again after the second date. Did it hurt? Heck yea it did.
I am not suggesting that you play by childish games and play hard to get. Books like "The Rules" are not worth the paper they are written on. I would suggest giving him the chance to pursue you though. Imagine if the roles were reversed and he got really clingy, really quickly. Most women don't want a man in their pocket either. As far as his response to your inquiry, you can take it at face value or not. Go on your date, chill out and have a good time. Don't think too much about the next step. You are a treasure that needs to be discovered. Don't ever forget that. He may call to go on a third date....he may not. That DOES NOT change the fact that you are a wonderful person!
My slogan is "Never make someone a priority for whom you are only an option."
Best of Luck to you in your search!!!!
UPDATE:
I didnt contact him at all today. He ended up calling me and actually saying that after reading the texts that he felt horrible and he was apologizing for making me think that way. All I told him was no, he had no reason to apologize that I realize I was a little aggressive and I said I have an idea... How about since we both feel bad here, why dont we just drop it and forget all about it and he said "good idea"... And the plans are still on for thursday.
Big lesson learned here, leave them alone!!!