need some relationship advice!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
need some relationship advice!!
3
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 1:05pm
Ladies, please help!
I am 33 and recently met a man on match.com. We have been seeing each other for 2 months now. I joined because I saw his profile on there and had to meet him. I usually am very picky and have a hard time liking people but since our first date, I have really liked him a lot. I am so comfortable around him, and it feels like I've known him forever. I think I have fallen in love with him, as crazy as that may sound. It's strange because I can tell by the way he acts around me that he feels the same way too...however, he has said he does not want to be 'exclusive'. What is up with that? I was the 2nd person he went out with from match so I initially understood, but it ias been 2 months now and we have spent a lot of time together. (He has even introduced me to his friends, including a guy he's known since the first grade who came in town to visit him one weekend.) It seems to me that if you meet someone you really like, you would not want to see anyone else. Is this a bad sign for the relationship? I realize it has only been two months and I probably need to chill out but I really, really want this to work out. I told him a couple weeks ago that I don't know how much longer I can do this..and he said he didn't want to do anything to hurt me. I told him that him wanting to see other people is starting to hurt me. Since that discussion, he has been a lot more attentive but I guess we are still not 'exclusive'. I just don't understand and don't want to waste my time if this is not going to go anywhere. Am I just being a psycho-obsessive female??!! I just wish guys would not make us guess what they are thinking -it drives me crazy!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:13pm

At what point is he making you guess? He said he didn't want to be exclusive and when he does want to be exclusive he will tell you. Quite simple actually. If you choose to wait for him that is your issue not his. I would highly recommend if you are sleeping with this man that you cease until you get a stronger commitment from him. He could be sleeping with multiple partners and that is downright dangerous for you.

He is being open and honest and has told you what he wants or doesn't want from you. It's up to you to decide whether or not this is what you want or don't want. You are in control only of you and I would strongly listen to what he says because he means what he says.

Cindy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:52pm

I agree with the other poster--he has told you what he's thinking, at least to an extent. Have you asked him or has he told you what his time frame is for moving to exclusivity, or does he not want to be exclusive period?

Assuming I was dating to find a LTR, I would not be ok with non-exclusive dating much beyond the two month point. I think that's long enough to have a pretty good idea of whether the person is potentially a good enough match with you to focus on them exclusively.

So if you haven't discussed it with him, I'd ask him how much longer he feels he needs to date you before he would feel comfortable committing to exclusivity. Then you can evaluate whether that time frame is something you can live with, or not.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 6:22pm
I agree with the other posters. 2 months is def. long enough. If you are currently having sex with him, I would stop. Then I would initiate another conversation. Tell him how you feel and that you will continue to see him and be intimate with him on a more casual level that is more in line with the casual level of dating that you are currently at. Tell him what your goal for a relationship is and he is does not have a similar goal, I would stop seeing him. You still have you match.com account too. Don't let him be the only one trying to get their money's worth!
Pregnancy ticker