Need some Serious Advice HERE PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Need some Serious Advice HERE PLEASE
8
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:58am
Im a lesbian and the moment I saw this girl I knew I was attracted to her. THe downfall to it is that she just got engaged. Well we have become friends now and infact we just got back from Las Vegas this weekend. Both her and my friends all say though that she flirts with me when she is not with her fiancee to be. Whenever we are at a bar and her man isnt there then she tells people that we are TOGETHER. In Vegas we went to a club and we finally kissed due to guys not believing we were "Together" like she said we were. Im getting very confused. I dont know if she is doing this for fun or what but I dont know what to do since I am good friends with her now too. Do "straight girls" normally kiss thier lesbian friends?????? HELP. Is she bi-curious and that is why she flirts with me???? Her friends say that the way she acts towards me is different from how she is with them, and they think that she might have a little crush on me. Please Help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:16pm
Wow. Did you try the lesbian issues board? They may be better equipped to give advice over there...

There is the possibility that she's curious. But it could also be warm, girly friend behavior. I'm straight and not curious, but I would kiss one of my girlfriends if I was in a bar being hit on by a guy I didn't want near me. But we've been friends for 7 years and she's like my sister. Then again, this girl is engaged.

Have you ever asked her if she's ever been curious?

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com


Edited 4/7/2004 2:21 pm ET ET by poisonivyprincess

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:48pm
No Ive never asked her if she is bi-curious, to be honest with you im very scared to ask since we are friends. Its just messing with my emotions, because for instance in Vegas she grabbed my hand and held hands with me practically the whole night, and only danced with me, not any guys or even our other friends. Its confusing me like crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:56pm
So she flirts with you and she kissed you publicly...maybe she is bicurious and you're a likely candidate...I don't know. The thing is that she's obviously in a commited relationship that's headed towards marriage. I believe people like that are clearly marked, 'don't touch'. I respect myself too much to get mixed up with someone who isn't going to make me a priority. In a situation like this, I would very much feel used because I AM interested, and she just wants a physical tryst before she marries. If and when she breaks it off, then ask her out on a date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:25pm
Hmm. I have to agree it sounds suspicious. It's hard to say where the line is crossed with with women because we tend to be so affectionate with friends, especially without ever having seen it for myself. It does sound likely that she's thought about you that way in some capacity, though.

This might sound like a strange question, but has her fiancee ever flirted with you? Do you hang out with him at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:56pm
Actually no he doesnt flirt with me, but he always seems to get closer to her when im around. He is a very possessive guy, and He feels threatened when she hangs out with her friends. It is just very confusing cus she tends to hold my hand when we go to bars. When we went to vegas she held my hand the whole time practically and only danced with "Me" Our friends think that her fiancee is jealous of me but who knows. I dont know what to think, or what. She definetly knows that im a lesbian though so why act that way just with me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:58pm
Bi-curious, she likes being found attractive and doesn't care who does it, she likes the jealous reaction from her boyfriend from a source that doesn't threaten his masculine identity (another man), he might want a 3-some and she's considering asking you...list is endless - why not ask her.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 5:48pm
From what I understand, she is engaged. For that reason alone, you shouldn't be persuing her even if she flirts with you. If someone is engaged, you should respect that, even if they don't.

I think the situation is simple. If she's no longer engaged, then I'd worry about the things you are worried about, but not until then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 9:01pm
I hardly think your friend's fiance wants to have a 3-some. I think by his behaviour he is feeling like his woman might want to have something to do with you sexually;also he probably thinks that you want her badly enough to take her from him. At this point, she is engaged..so the others' advice on leaving her alone that way is probably best. However, I would ask, no matter how scared you might be, if she is interested in you sexually. And tell her that you are attracted to her and don't want to cause any problems with her and her fiance. Also that you would rather not have such intimate contact if she doesn't plan on having a sexual relationship with you; that it makes you uncomfortable and puts you in a bad situation. After all, if the fiance is possessive enough, he could come after you. You don't want that and I'm sure she doesn't either.

I am bisexual and always will prefer to dance with my girlfriends versus guys in the club I don't know; I hold hands for confidence, not to announce a relationship that doesn't exist. She maybe into you, she may be having cold feet about settling down, she may want to experience other things before marriage and her husband's control stops it. Ask her. She will hopefully answer truthfully.