Need an unbiased opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Need an unbiased opinion
5
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:54pm
I am a 28 yr old single mom of a 8 year old and just found out I am pregnant again.

My dilemma is the father to this child and I have been dating only a month. He has made it very clear that he doesn't want another child (already has a 2 year old). He wants me to have an abortion but I won't. He told me last night that he is not sure if he wants to return to his ex and child.

I am confused and want to fight for him but I am scared that he will go back to her and when she finds out about me, she will kick him to the curb and he will come crawling back to me.

I am not concerned about having another child, I just am looking for him to be there for me and this baby.

Should I just let him go or ask him to try to work out things with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:11pm
You don't say if your bf's ex is his wife or gf OR if he is separated/divorced. This man thinks that your relationship and your child can be negociated: if he's born he'll go back to his ex and if not then he'll stay with you. His reaction and response should tell your how to proceed. This man goes where the sun shines more, he doesn't like problems and if there are (this child) he'll just make his disapperaing act. Think about you, your children and this new child. Why fight for this low life kind of man?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:20pm
I don't see that there is much to fight for. You've only been dating a month, that's hardly time to even know him very well yet. You should do what you need to do to make sure he lives up to his responsibilities to support his child, but don't expect him to commit to you when he's still not over his ex and is thinking of returning to her. If over time you do develop a relationship with him, then great, just take your time since you're still so early in dating him. You may find out that he's not even someone you're interested in long term.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 12:13am
If you have to fight for him, then I think that you're missing the point...you're forcing him, coercing him, begging him, cajoling him to be with you...he's got to want to be with you for it to work. Do you understand that?

If you want to keep the baby, that's fine. You know the ropes on single parenting. But don't be a fool. This baby has a right to his/her dad's financial support even though he's not going to have a relationship with him. Get that DNA test taken care of and get his salary garnished. If he wants to get back with his wife/kid, good luck to him...but you don't owe him an abortion to erase his discrepancy while they were separated. I wouldn't flaunt your pregnancy to her either...it's just business, this child has a right as much as their child to his salary, health and dental benefits and a college fund.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:12am
If you are definitely having this baby, you need to proceed under the plan of doing it completely alone.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:26pm
((((((((HUGS)))))))

I'm sorry that things turned out this way. I do admire your strength. I have to agree with everyone here about getting the DNA test and getting that child support. Too bad if he doesn't want to be with you, you will still have a child to raise, since you do not want to have an abortion. (That is your choice, not his.) If he doesn't want to pay, he will have to sign his rights away, pure and simple.

Sounds like this guy wants the easy way, and that includes the easy way out. I just hope that you don't give this guy a chance, and don't try to "win him back". He said he wanted to get back together with his ex, so let him go, let her take him back. Maybe he'll realize what he's missing, maybe he won't. Doesn't matter, because you don't need someone like that in your life- even if you now have to have him a part of your child's life.

I just hope that your pregnancy goes well. Good luck

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