Need to vent =(
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| Mon, 04-17-2006 - 1:24pm |
Hi everyone...I dont really have a question, just need to vent and maybe get some positive thoughts. I am sure I am not the only one in this situation.
My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years, on and off. We have come through a lot of our problems and things have been great recently. This past weekend he took me for a nice lunch at a nice restaurant in the park and then we just sat in the sun and people-watched. Then we had drinks at a local bar and then just hung out at his apartment and watched movies. It was really nice and we had good laughs and enjoyed each other's company.
Here is the problem: we are both busy people, he works full time and is studying for an exam that will give him a post-graduate certification. I am graduating soon and will begin training in July for 11 weeks (during which time I will be away from him). He is going away this coming weekend to see his aunt in PA who he hasnt seen in a long time, although it means I cannot see him, it is okay because I need to finish up assignments and study for exams as well.
So basically, we have been seeing each other once every 2 weeks for the past month or so and while I understand that sometimes it isnt feasible to see each other all the time (he also lives an hour away from me), it still upsets me. After I graduate, I will go visit my home country for 3 weeks and when I come back, he leaves for a work-related trip for a week. So it means I wont see him for 5 weeks. The good thing is, we are going away together for 5 days at 4th of july weekend, but then I leave for 11 weeks and not return until end of September. We do talk on the phone/email/text nearly every single day (which, without it, it could never work for me). I love this man with all of my heart and the feeling has only got stronger recently and I cannot even imagine my life without him, but not seeing him so often just kills me at times...how do you cope? Any advice? Thank you everyone =)
~T

Do you know the Serenity Prayer? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". I'm not particularly religious, but I do believe that this sentence contains a really valuable way to think about our lives.
It does no good to spend time being upset about things you can't change...it just creates drama and pain in your life. The only way you can change this situation is to end it, and you don't want to do that, so practicing acceptance is the only option that leaves you with any semblance of a peaceful, contented existence, right? You can choose to be upset, or you can choose to accept things as they are. I know, easier said than done ;-), but it's something to strive for.
Sheri
Sheri,
That is a very good wisdom...I am not particularly religious either, but that one makes good sense to me. Yes, there is nothing I can do about it and this isnt a problem particular to just my boyfriend, if I was with any other man, the same issues with arise for sure since these days, everyone is busy! The past month, both times when we couldnt see each other, it was really my decision because first I had 2 huge exams on a monday and then my aunt(whom I hadnt seen in 5 years)was visiting. It is just really tough at times when I cannot see him, I miss him tons when we are apart, but realize the only way we could see each other more would be to move in together and that is not a possibility at this moment since I need to get my "adult life" started properly once I graduate and live on my own before moving in with anyone else. It isnt like he is choosing to go out with friends or to do other activities (other than his studying of course) instead of spending time with me...so he does make an effort.
<< but realize the only way we could see each other more would be to move in together and that is not a possibility at this moment since I need to get my "adult life" started properly once I graduate and live on my own before moving in with anyone else. >>
Very good wisdom/choice on your part there!
It sounds like you are both at a tranistionary stage in your lives. I find that looking for the "upside" to everything is a plus. In which case, be grateful that you are both at a similiar stage in your lives ... you're both busy launching/working on your careers ... so that lends to more empathy for each other's situations. In other words, you can RELATE to each other on that level ... so, that's a good thing! Rather than one or the other of you feeling jipped out of time with each other. Sounds like you understand each other well, so that too is a good thing.
As for how to cope, in addition to what Sheri advised, just repeat to yourself "this too shall pass" ... if you can make it thru these challenges, you'll be a stronger couple for it.
Good luck! Keep your perspective up while not getting mired down in the details.
Well email is a great way to keep in touch though doesn't make up for long stretches of time not being together. However it's also good to remind yourself that there are other aspects to your life and while missing him will be normal and you will keep in touch, you are not just a girlfriend but a woman with many interests.
Yes, it is true that email doesnt really make up for time spent together...but it is the best we can do given our circumstances. We write long emails to each other when issues need to be resolved (when they are minor) because sometimes when he goes home from work, I am already in bed so we do not have much time to speak on the phone. As long as there is nearly daily contact, by phone, text or email, and then seeing each other when it is possible, it is worth it.
Yeah, I am quite lucky to get 11 weeks of intensive training, that will prove very valuable!
~T~
This is very true and thank you for your inspirational words! I have to start concentrating on my career more and more as my start date is only a few months away. So while I value my relationship with my boyfriend, I need to also realize that I have lots of things going on, which will keep me extremely busy.