needing someone to love
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needing someone to love
| Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:04pm |
i am 20 years old.. and well i don't feel it. I am a single girl and have been single for a long time..actually i have never had a boyfriend. and i really want somebody... i am sickof beign the 3rd wheel. there is one guy i like and finally when we had soemthign in common he was more interested in my friends. i am not skinny i am chubby, i follow all the rules of life and i love the lord. but my problem is a can't get a guy to like me. i feel as though i will be like some of teh girls on sex and the city and be single until i am forty. please help... how do i get a guy to like me without losing my pure christian beliefs? i even go to a christian university where everyone finds soemone escept me! i am a little imature when it comes to soem things sohow do i show a guy am 20 and i am maute for my age?

You're in college, you're living a God-fearing life... you have a lot to be proud of. You don't have to do anything that would be against your faith to get a guy. In fact, if some guy is pressuring you into sex or drugs or anything against your principles, he is NOT worthy of YOU.
What you need to do is just feel good about yourself. When you do, it will show. That will attract people to you.
I used to be extremely shy, and that made people shy away from me...not just guys but a lot of people were uncomfortable around me, because I was so uncomfortable with myself. I had a self-image problem... I was very skinny! But one day, I decided that I wasn't going to feel bad about myself anymore. I began to realize that I had a lot to offer, and I started making the most of what God gave me. When I became more self-confident, I looked better, I smiled more, I carried myself with pride, because I FELT better about myself. And I started having more friends and guys approached me more.
If YOU don't believe you are attractive and worthy of love, very few other people will. Being chubby is not what's keeping you from finding someone. There are guys who can and will see past body image to the beautiful person inside you. Look around you.. you will see all kinds of people of every shape and size who are in loving relationships, and most of them are very ordinary-looking people.
Get involved in some other activities through your school... join some clubs and organizations. Or volunteer. When I was college, I became a tutor at a nearby community center. I was pleasantly surprised to find that there were a bunch of male college students working there. It was the best! The best way to make connections with people is to do something where you share an interest.
You could probably benefit from therapy, too, to help with your low self esteem and insecurities. You have an advantage that a lot of people don't have, and that is that you are in college where you can get free or low-cost counseling as part of your tuition. Give it a try.
And keep the faith.
I totally understand your pain so I thought I'd drop a line. I'm 22, and I didn't have a boyfriend or a love until I was 21. I had never even kissed a guy until I was 21! I always thought there was something wrong with me and I was embarrassed to tell people that I had not even been kissed. I was overweight and had a lot of body image issues and eating problems also. I think the reason I was embarrassed about telling people I had never had a boyfriend was because I was not happy with myself and I just assumed people would think I never got a guy because I was fat. But now I see that it's not true. My ex boyfriend, who I loved but unfortunately things didn't work out, was able to see beneath my body (which he also loved by the way) and see the true me and love me for who I am. I thought it was a miracle. I really do think that this was due to my drastic change in perspective. I was in a pretty bad car accident (I wasn't really hurt but the car was totalled) and that made me realize that life is too short and I decided to just be more happy and not worry about things like body image. Also the accident made me realize I really wanted to fall in love. Maybe it was the change in attitude that attracted my ex to me, I don't know. But I definitely became more comfortable with myself after that.
Since then, I have lost some weight (I'm not skinny but I'm at a healthy weight) and after going through the traumatic breakup with my ex, I'm feeling better about myself than ever. And you know what? A lot of men are flocking towards me! I just can't believe it. People don't believe me when I tell them I didn't have a bf until I was 21. I really think this is due to me being happy with myself and having more confidence.
Sorry if I rambled but hang in there. You will find someone. Right now I would love to fall in love again and I can only hope and dream that I will be so lucky again. Don't feel bad about being 20 and single. Age has very little relativity. I'm not a religious person but I'm sure God has someone very special just around the corner for you. Good luck. :)
Dear Paigeypoo02
More power to you for loving the Lord that is an awesome quality that you should be proud of you also need to learn to love yourself and find out who you are just because you never had a boyfriend doesn't make you a bad person you need to get some self-confidence in yourself and you need to stop looking and just enjoy life after all your only 20 yrs old and its not the end of the things its the beginning of what is yet to come your way
Guys like girls that are self-confident and just learn to love who you are and they will too I know its hard being a 3rd wheel when I was 20 all of my friends were hooking up and getting married talk about being the 3rd wheel LOL but one day my guy friend told me to stop looking and when I did - lets just say the right person came along my way :)
It's true what the others have said. Your perception of yourself is how other people perceive you. Believe it or not, if you feel one way about yourself, other people notice. Once you love yourself, other people will love you. It will show in the way you smile, carry yourself and talk to others. When you think you're great, it's contagious and that air of self confidence spreads to other people. You love God, so you know that he has a plan for you. Maybe part of that plan is for you to be alone right now. Pray. Talk to God and ask him what he wants you to do with your life. Pray for love. There's a scripture that's helped me through a lot of things. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Very powerful words. When you think you're not getting what you want out of life, say this scripture out loud. Knowing that a bigger force has control over your life and loves you so much gives a sense of peace that is indescribeable. God loves you and does not want you to be alone. He has the perfect man for you. In the meantime, pray and ask God to help you with your self image. When you get out of bed in the morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful. I know it sounds silly, but it will start to change your life and the way you look at it.
Love yourself first and you will attract people who will love you for you. Even supermodels are not perfect. However, they have confidence that they are attractive and thus people believe in them that they are attractive. Take care of yourself and have some fun.
At this stage, in life you should consider, you and your career where you want to be, 5 years from now.
You are still young, when the time is right, your knight in shining armour will coming knocking on your door.
Good Luck!!
Edited 3/8/2004 2:13 pm ET ET by jilly73
Edited 3/8/2004 2:13 pm ET ET by jilly73