Needs vs. Expectations
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Needs vs. Expectations
| Tue, 04-27-2004 - 8:49pm |
Hi...
Could someone please explain to me the difference between a need and an expectation? I'm not really sure I understand the difference and I want to! And please, give me some examples!
Thanks.

All the time, in or out of relationship.
Expectations are what enhancements you believe having a partner and a relationship will bring to your life. Which isn't possible to get - if the person that you're with doesn't share you values, standards, priorities, goals, and definitions of a great relationship and how to achieve it.
Always remember, a relationship doesn't make you anything that yo'ure not already as an individual.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Thanks for your help because I'm really struggling with this...
NEEDS - Just like Erin said, these are basic building blocks of life in which you are 100% responsible to attain.
EXPECTATIONS - Are often externally focused as they are usually behavior expectations you have for someone else. The critical part is that any expectation you place on another person you must also be 100% accountable to delivering as well. I believe that expectations must be discussed and agreed upon between the people involved. If you do not have agreement on expectations or have not spoken to what are the expectations, then you loose the right to complain when they are not met.
WANTS - are more subjective and are often related to your goals in life. You may want a relationship, you may want a baby. You won't always get what you want but you will get what you negotiate. You won't get what you don't ask for either.
BOUNDARIES - are often tied to expectations. Boundaries are not rules you impose on others. Boundaries are specific actions you will take in response to a situation. You also own the responsibility to declare your boundaries BEFORE they are crossed.
To me, leading an effective life means taking 100% accountability for your life. It does not mean a person is entitled to receive all of their expectations and wants.
I don't think anyone NEEDS to be in a relationship.
Start
They're self-absorbed...they want you to be their valet, maid, laundress, cook, housekeeper, and booking agent...but they have no desire to know you as a person and assist you with your life in any way.
That is what they meant by "he won't meet your needs". Because he's not into you as a person out of respect and admiration for you as an individual. He's with you because you make his life easy, convenient, comfortable, and you're of benefit to him. So when you cease to be of benefit because you run out of money to give, or you have other needs to meet that require you to take away from him - he's going to claim that you're not who he thought he was - and he'll dump you.
They also meant that if you had a life crisis arise - and you would - he'd go "that is not my problem, adn your job is to attend to my problems, so forget about your problems, your friends, your goals, your needs - concentrate solely on me like I do, that is the only way that you can be my girlfriend."
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com